Highway 101

Baby Santa

2011-12-21T13:22:00.002-07:00

Baby Santa, as opposed to Santa Baby...

I've been busy and blogger ate two of my posts so I decided to avoid it for a while. Work is stressful, people around the holidays are jerks (hello d-bag who I got in a minor accident with yesterday), and my anxiety is in over-drive. But I am trying to stay positive and enjoy this awesome time for what it is: My baby's first Christmas. Rob and I are so excited to establish family traditions (first one: The Champagne Cascade at The Bown Palace, which is an unofficial kick-off to Denver's holiday season).

Nora is super smiley these days, and I can't even explain the feeling I get when my girl smiles at me. Even though she is a happy, smiley girl in general, everyone says they can that her smile is a little bigger for me, her excited kicking a little more animated, and her giggles a little louder. There is no feeling in the world like being a mommy, and that is the best Christmas gift I could have asked for.

And just 'cause she's cute, here are two bonus pictures.

Pictures and some random thoughts

2011-12-02T13:10:00.001-07:00

1. My friend from Jr. High had a baby a few days ago. Well, technically his wife did. They named her Nora. He told me that they were planning on naming their daughter that a few weeks back, probably so I wouldn't think they stole my girl's name.

2. Working long hours sucks. I have such bad anxiety the last hour of work before I can see my baby. The fact that she always greets me with smiles and clearly wants to be near me once I do get to her makes it better.

3. My sister claims that Nora's smile melts the polar ice caps. Yeah, my kid is causing global warming. She's just that cute.

Nora

2011-11-23T08:54:00.001-07:00

Obviously the thing that I am most greatful about this year is my healthy and beautiful daughter. My pregnancy was great, my delivery went well, my daughter is so very healthy and active and smart and adorable; how could I be anything but greatful when I have her in my life?

Last night she rolled over for the first time. She did it when Rob and I were both with her, playing in her room. She will be 12 weeks on Friday, so it seems that she hit this milestone a little earlier than the average baby does. I was surprised, but not all that surprised considering she has been super active since before she was born! After she did it twice, it occured to us that we should take a video...so of course I will have to show that off later this week.

She has also been unbelievably chatty lately. She just laughs, squeals, and coos away, even inflecting her voice while she has these adorably non-sensical conversations. I can't say enough how thankful I am to be a mother, and especially to be her mother.

More Thankfulness

2011-11-22T08:17:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was a pretty annoying day. I basically work in a construction zone and occasionally we are sent updates on the progress of various projects. I must have missed the one saying that the road that I walk to get from the parking lot to my building would be closed. Walking on rocks - that was fun.Good thing I chose to wear flimsy flats that were destroyed half way through my first journey between the parking lot and my building.

I say first because I ended up trekking back and forth about 4 times. You see, I had a meeting with an exec at 10am and I thought it would make more sense to walk to my car through the construction, then drive through the construction to leave campus, then drive to the building where the Science and Technology Executive Director's office is, rather than take the shuttle that ran from my buildings doorstep to his.

And of course he missed the meeting. His schedule had been rearranged at the last minute and unfortunately his admin was out so no one told me that he wouldn't make the meeting. So I drove back to my side of the campus. Before I made the 10 minute walk back to my building, I decided to put my jacket on. So I set my purse on the driver's seat and while my arms were maneuvering into the jacket sleeves, the wind came along and shut my door. My locked door.

I had a pretty angry walk back to my office. And then when I saw that my meeting had been rescheduled for that afternoon, set to end an hour before I planned on leaving, I was really irritated. Because that meant that I had to walk back to the parking lot once to have security unlock my car, then back to my office, then either take the hit to my work day and wait for the shuttle to take me across the highway for my meeting or else walk yet another time to my car, drive across campus, and then have enough time left in my day where I needed to park my car yet once again so I could sit at my desk for 45 minutes before leaving for the day (run on sentences are fun!).

Luckily Rob has Mondays off so he came by with his keys so I could unlock the door rather than wait for security to do it. And while I opted to drive to the afternoon meeting, upon my return I parked in the visitor's parking right next to the building. It still sucked, to be frank, but it could have been much worse.

So today I am choosing to be thankful that I have a job. A good, steady job with good health insurance at a company that is doing good work (even if I'm just support staff, it still counts). I am lucky that I am in a position to complain about having a job at a time when so many people don't have anything at all. Even on bad days, there are people with more education and more experience who would do my job, probably for less money. Because that is just how bad the economy is. And while that doesn't change the fact that I often have problems with how things are going at my work, I do need to keep that perspective in mind. So I am thankful.

Thankful

2011-11-18T13:01:00.002-07:00

Yesterday I spent the day being thankful for my mother. She more than a mother to me, she is a best friend. She is my role model and I can only hope to be as a good of a mother to Nora as she was too me and my siblings. She is hands down the most generous person I know (next to my husband - I am lucky, I know), and is also unfaltering kind and is the opposite of judgmental. Best of all - she has all that and a wicked sense of humor. And while I am thankful for the rest of my quirky family, since becoming a mother I appreciate my own so much more.

Today I am thankful for the rest of the crew. My family (immediate and extended) is loud and emotional and often dysfunctional, but always loving. I am also thankful for my husband's family. In many ways we grew up differently, (midwest vs west coast, WASP-ish vs Italian immigrant influences, small family vs large family, etc.), but in the most important ways, we grew up similarly: very loved. I am excited to share both families' legacies with Nora - she will never be without amusing family stories!

Thankful

2011-11-16T08:59:00.001-07:00

I really am a very lucky person and I really could use more thankfulness in my life. So I am going to spend the next week focusing on all the good in my life.

Today, I am thankful for having a sweet and devoted husband, who is usually nice to me even when I am not nice to him.

There is a cookie exchange at work today and I have been so busy that it was barely on my radar. He went to the grocery store on his way home from work yesterday even though he had been at work since 5:30 am (a news crew taped a segment that his company wanted him to be in) to buy me the butter I needed. Then, when I fell asleep on the couch while my dough was chilling, he took it upon himself to finish baking them for me (keep in mind this is after I woke up in a fit of rage, then went back to sleep because I was so damn mad at myself). When I woke up and realized that he finished baking my cookies, hand-rolling everyone in cinnamon sugar, I did not treat him the way I should of.

I was still mad that I fell asleep, annoyed that my cookies didn't come out the way I wanted them to (not anything Rob did, our oven just sucks), sad that I only had an hour with my daughter after work before she went to bed, and I hate to say it, but I took it all out on Rob. I was a total and complete brat when I should have been THANKFUL that I have a husband that loves me that much.

So thank you Rob, thank you a million times over. I'm so glad to know that you will be the kind of Dad who will bake cupcakes for school (do schools still let you do that?), even if it is last minute notice. I'm so glad to know that you have my back, even when I am being less than gracious. I love you, and I am thankful for you.

Semi-related: He's the cute one working on the car in the background.
http://www.kdvr.com/videobeta/?watchId=cc550fdd-8bfb-41c4-94c3-83d9b096dcb8%3Fvideo%3DYHI&t=a

I cried over spilled milk

2011-11-09T11:28:00.001-07:00

Breastfeeding can be hard. For me, it wasn't until I went to work. No issues with latch, or supply, or anything like. For me, the issue has been pumping. It's just terrible.

Okay, so the freedom to leave my daughter is nice. But feeling like a cow isn't. Nor is running up to the second floor of my building every few hours to sit in a "lactation room" (it's actually quite nice, so I shouldn't complain about that) and pump. Nor is remembering each day to bring my pump to work, then remembering to grab both my pump and milk at the end of the day, then remembering to put the milk in the freezer when I get home. It is completely worth it, but it is hard work.

So today, when I didn't notice that my collection canister was overflowing until it was too late and spilled every where (chair, jeans, magazine), I straight up cried. I'm still sticking to my goal of 6 months because it is so worth it to me, but a week back to work and I'm already cursing the process.

Two Months

2011-11-07T21:07:00.005-07:00

I remember sitting in the doctor's office when she was three days old and we saw another (adorable) baby in the waiting room. He was so cute, but he looked huge next to our tiny baby. So we were blown away when we found out that Tino was only two months old. We looked at our tiny baby and thought about how far away two months seemed.

Turns out, it was not as far away as we thought.

Nora had her two month appointment today. I can't believe it, I really can't. She's now 10 lbs, 13 oz and 23 inches long. We are so lucky to have such a healthy little girl.

I'm starting to see her personality a little more every day. She loves being around people, which is no surprise considering that we had so much family around in the first weeks. Plus, we took her every where pretty early on. She loves her swing and her new activity mat, but only when someone is still sitting near her. I guess she takes after her daddy in that way (center of attention, cough cough). The down side is that she has a hard time napping unless someone is holding her, laying down with her, or carrying her. Thank god for the Moby wrap! She also naps pretty well in the car and the swing. I've taken the Happiest Baby on the Block Approach and am not worried about "spoiling" her at this age. For now I am just trying to enjoy the affection.

She also loves baths. I'm so happy that she is a water baby since I spent so much of my childhood in the pool and around the ocean. I took her in my mom's whirlpool a few weeks back and she had such a good time. She even liked when the jets where on (low, of course). Tonight she kicked and squealed in her bath until she was a little prune!

She is now holding up her neck on her own and is so active. She is always kicking her legs and loves "standing." We hold her up with her feet on our knees and she stiffens her whole body. Even in her swing she loves to just kick away. Just yesterday Rob said that he thought we had another "Dancing Danny" on our hands. Daniel, of course, being my brother. As a child he couldn't sit still. At age four, at one of our uncle's wedding, he proclaimed himself a "dancing fool."It's a well-told childhood tale.*

These past two months have been amazing and I can't wait to see what the next month brings!

*Side note: My sister and I took dance lessons as children (I took lessons for over 10 years, even dancing en pointe for a while). Rob's sister danced competitively growing up and is now a Broncos Cheerleader (so weird to think if you have only met Rob). Rob is all around very physical and played soccer and hockey and wrestled for a year or two. So Nora has it in her genes!

Back At Work

2011-11-03T09:48:00.001-06:00

I am officially back at work. It was both harder and easier than I thought it would be. Easier in that despite the fact that I was thrown right into a ton of work, it's all about moving forward and not playing catch up. And I was CLEARLY missed. But leaving my baby behind is terrible. I know she will be safe and well taken care of, but it kills me to not be there with her. This morning I barely had any time to nurse her, to play with her, to cuddle with her. I basically fed her as quickly as I could, got her dressed, and left. I hated every second of it, and I'm hoping I can hold back the tears that threaten to flow every time someone asks if it was hard leaving her this morning.

I technically started yesterday but thanks to 6+ inches of snow, I telecommuted. It still sucked, since I couldn't give Nora my undivided attention. As I cried to my husband last night, he assured me we would scale back our budget so I can eventually go part time. And as luck woulld have it (or not), it turns out that some opportunities have come up in my department while I was out. Which, yes, is terrible. How can I turn down the chance to make more money down the road and will put me a in a better position to become a consultant, but how can I commit to killing myself to learn more when I am already sad about being away from Nora? I wanted to come back to work at 50%, not 100% plus.

First world problems, right?

Oh well, this is the season to be thankful and I am going to try really hard to be just that. I am thankful that I have a loving and dedicated husband, a healthy and happy little girl, and a caring and supportive group of family and friends. I have to trust that the rest will in place with a little bit of hard work and faith in myself.

Why Disneyland Is The Best Place on Earth

2011-11-01T10:38:00.000-06:00

So this weekend was not the greatest. Exhibit 1: I had non-stop anxiety attacks punctuated by the occasional crying jag. I know that my returning to work crisis isn't a crisis to anyone else, but I still reserve the right to feel terrible. I hate thinking that unlike today, this time tomorrow I will not have a sleeping baby wrapped against me in a Moby, but instead will be speaking some canned response for the tenth time regarding how I feel about being back at work. These past two months have been some of the best of my life. Thanks to a frequent occurrence of family drama, many big events in my life have been overshadowed. My wedding, multiple holidays, vacations. Not so with the birth of my baby.

I feel as though having my daughter has been amazing, start to finish. Rob going back to work was hard and there have certainly been the occasional argument. But none of that diminished the joy I have felt being a parent. And while I know that I will continue to feel that way even after I go back to work, the truth is, and there is no way around this, I will have less time for Nora. And that hurts. I know that the people who will watch her will take amazing care of her but I still wish so much it was me there for her everyday. Of course the upside is that she will have close relationships with other people in her family. All I know is as soon as I get into the office tomorrow, I will be setting up my web cam.

Exhibit B: Nora's first Halloween was overshadowed. By family drama. Enough said. We dressed her as a ghost and walked her around my parents neighborhood for a few minutes, but we weren't in the best of spirits. Which some might argue is not that big of a deal - she is only 2 months old after all! We will have plenty of great Halloweens to come, and probably even a few more not so great ones. And she won't even remember it. But Halloween was her first holiday, and our first chance to feel proud about sharing that with her. But just because we saw it as important to us as a family doesn't mean that everyone else did. In fact, it was made pretty clear that our status as a family matter little to some people. Meaning...

Exhibit C: The drama continues. My last day of maternity leave did not start out so fantastic, and I don't see it ending well either. And maybe the worst of all:

Exhibit D: My grandfather is in the hospital with a broken rib and a collapsed lung. He has Alzheimer's and lives in a care facility in California. My grandmother called on Sunday to let us know that he had fallen, although no one seems to know why. He is okay for now, but in a lot of pain. He had a few sezuires a few months back, and has had other health problems off and on. It's hard for me to think about since he and I had a close relationship. I am a lot like him in some ways (Type A Personality), and I can hardly think about him without crying.

So I feel like shit today, to say the least. And no one seems to respect that. Well, my mom does. And Rob would if he didn't already have a ton on his plate. And I'm sure my best friend and sister would too, so I can't say that no one does, but I still feel pretty isolated right now. Which leads me to my point.

Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth because bad things just don't exist within its walls. The birds sing, and animals talk and amazing adventures are only a wait in line away. The real world is hard and relationships are complicated and messy. It's been a year since my last visit and I could use a trip right now. If I win powerball on Wednesday, I am so going to RATP. True story.

Viva Fit Club

2011-10-27T10:30:00.001-06:00

Oh boy. Time to talk about the most unpleasant side effect of having a baby - weight gain. I'm breastfeeding, and I have heard that helps with baby weight loss, but I don't want to leave it all to that. Plus, I always feel better when I am active and exercising, so I joined Ashley Fremont Street's Viva Fit Club. Target date for weight loss goals is 4/5/12... Viva Las Vegas 15. I doubt that Rob and I will make it VLV next year, but 6 months seemed like a good time line regardless.

My parents have a mini gym in their basement, and my sister has been trying to talk me into going to Zumba with her, so hopefully between those two options I can easily insert a little more dedicated fitness time into my schedule. Fingers crossed, 'cause I miss my size 2 jeans. Anyone else who wants to be more in shape by VLV should request to join the group!

Time Flies

2011-10-25T15:56:00.002-06:00

These photos describe how I feel about going back to work:

I'm in my last week of maternity leave. I don't like thinking about it. In fact, I cry every time I do. The last few months have been some of the best of my life. I really don't like thinking about returning to a job that I. Cannot. Stand.

That being said, I know that I should be grateful that I have a job at all, let alone one with a semi-flexible schedule (I plan to work 4 ten-hour days, with one of those telecommuting). And I have pretty decent health insurance, which is the main reason I am going to continue to work for now. Hopefully we can figure out a way for me to go part-time in the next year or two and that makes it a little easier, since I can tell myself that I am going back for now, but not forever.

I know a lot of working moms choose to do so. I know a lot enjoy the adult interaction and the opportunity to wear nice clothes. I do not. Well, what I mean is I found that I had plenty of interaction while I was off. I was never bored. I spent a lot of time with friends and family so I had a great balance between mommy and baby time and grown-up time. Plus, most of my co-workers are significantly older than I am. I get along with most of them, but I'm not really myself around them, so I have actually gotten more out of staying home since I could spend my days being myself: my tattooed, slightly outrageous, occasionally obnoxious and opinionated. I communicate by phone and email, so I don't really have to dress nice at work. Plus, my daughter is at home and no amount of perks would make me feel like I would rather be out of the house. I like hanging out with my baby. I love cooking, and don't mind cleaning. But I have a feeling that fitting all that in after a 10 hour day at work - it sounds exhausting. I'm certainly not the first mom to have to deal with this, but I didn't realize how hard it would be. I am a little resentful towards European countries who give women a year or two for maternity leave - six weeks just don't cut it.

Again though, I am so, so lucky. I had no problems getting pregnant, had an uneventful pregnancy, a pretty good delivery, a great recovery, and a super healthy baby. I haven't even had any problems breastfeeding, and I only get up once a night with Nora. I am so lucky, and I know it. I just wish that I could continue with maternity leave forever.

GG

2011-10-19T17:19:00.003-06:00

This is a picture of my grandmother and my daughter (side note, both my grandmothers were named Jean - hence Eleanor's middle name. Of course, this Jean was supposed to be Gina, but in those days everything was Americanized).

We have decided that her name is GG (for Great Grandma). She was here visiting last week and it was awesome having her around. I really miss having my family around, and this year was especially hard since I was pregnant and didn't have a chance to visit California. But seeing my grandmother with her first great-grandchild was well worth the wait. Here a few pictures from the last week.

Fall Colors

2011-10-19T16:12:00.001-06:00

As much as I claim to hate the weather in Colorado, I actually really love the fall. I prefer sunny days that are cool enough to require a sweater but not cold enough to feel, well, cold. Colorado tends to be all over the map when it comes to weather, and this autumn is no exception. We've had HOT days, COLD days, and a few pretty perfect days. A few weeks back we took a little road trip to look at the fall foliage (Colorado is well known for the color changing aspens that grow in the mountains). We were a little early, but the colors were pretty none the less.

We randomly stumbled upon a creepy old cemetery in Leadville. Leadville was a bustling mining town during the end of the nineteenth century, and many of the graves in the Evergreen cemetery date pretty far back. The cemetery isn't used much these days (except for plots owned by the Masons and the Elks) and has fallen into disrepair. We couldn't even see the back boundary (I refused to go too far back, especially after the dogs started barking at NOTHING), but it appeared to be sunken graves in between trees for as far as the eye could see. I'd like to go back and explore some time.

Quick Post, to prove I am alive and well

2011-10-13T18:56:00.001-06:00

1. Tomorrow it has been six weeks since Nora was born. Meaning tomorrow my disability ends, and my return to work day comes closer.
2. I am addicted to Doctor Who. This is surprising, since I generally hate science-fiction. But low budget space monsters and British humor? I can't get enough.
3. My grandmother has been here for the past week. It has been great, since I grew up with lots of family around and my biggest complaint about living in Colorado is that I don't have that support system here.
4. I miss Disneyland. 2.5 months isn't too young for a first D-land trip, is it?
5. I plan on working on a family tree in the next few weeks. I hope I can remember all the details. Mommy brain is painful real, y'all.

One Month

2011-10-05T13:43:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's already been a month! Time does fly....

She is now 9 lbs and 21 inches long. She had her first bottle this week (I hate pumping, by the way. It makes me feel like a cow) and we left her with my mom this past Monday to take my sister out for her 21st birthday. Big week for the little lady!

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks:

And here are a few that a friend took for us - our first family photo shoot!

Being Nora's Mommy

2011-09-28T12:47:00.001-06:00

I have been so busy lately. But in a totally new way. We have been so lucky, since Nora has been a pretty easy baby. We know that it will surely get more difficult but so far our transition into parenthood has been amazing. Our little girl only wakes up once a night and only really fusses when she is hungry/overstimulated.

The first moment that I saw her, I knew I loved her. But the first emotion I really deeply felt was relief. Relief that she was healthy, that everything was where it should be, and relief that labor was over. Then the worry set in - was I going to be the mom that she would need? Over the past few weeks trepidation and worry has been replaced by a very intense and unexplainable love and protectiveness. Or rather these feelings have been there all along and every day I realize them more and more. It really is the best feeling the world. I love the feeling I get when I hold her, when I make her cries stop. I love feeling her hand wrapped around my finger, her feet against my arm when I am feeding her. I love being a mom.

I can't believe that is has already been nearly four weeks. The time has just flown by. I hate thinking about going back to work, especially since I haven't accomplished any of the things that are on my to-do list. We have spent most of our time being with friends and family, and I prefer that anyway. It has been an awesome experience to watch our parents and siblings become grandparents, aunt, and uncles.We want her to grow up knowing that she has a wide network of love and support. I had a great relationship with my extended family as a child (it got harder to see everyone once we moved to Colorado), and I want the same for her.

So far, we are:

Co-sleeping - We alternate between a bassinet next to our bed and our bed. It has been working out really well. I am usually the one to wake up with her, since she only gets up once a night and Rob can't feed her anyway at this point.
Exclusively breastfeeding - also working out wonderfully. I bought a pump but haven't tried to use it yet, although I know that I need to soon since I do have to go back to work in a few weeks.
Baby-wearing - We have only been able to use our carriers a few times since she just now at the minimum weight requirements, but Rob has used the Bjorn a few times and I have used the Moby wrap twice (We also have an Ergo). We both love baby-wearing.
Using disposable diapers - We are thinking about trying cloth but I have a feeling that our situation will make it too inconvenient between our work schedules and the amount of time we are out and about. That being said, we are very aware of the negative impact disposables have on the environment statistics on disposables so we are still on the fence.

Nora has been out to restaurants, to estate sales, to the mall, and to the mountains to see the changing leaves. And she has been a complete doll every time we have dared to take her out in public. Our hope for her is that she will comfortable in a variety of situations so that we can go anywhere as a family.

Unrelated - I need to figure out the computer/picture issue because I have a backlog of close to 2000. Expect a lot of photos when I have the time to sort that out. In the meantime, here are a few that my sister Teresa took/edited.

Uncle Daniel - don't ask about the hat.

My mom took this one, one of my favorites.

Father and Daughter.

Aunt T, as Teresa would like to be called.

Great-grandma and grandma (Rob's grandmother and mom).

Nana Anna (My mom)

Our first family photo

Many, many, more to come. :)

Eleanor's birth, part 2

2011-09-22T14:32:00.000-06:00

After the tub and the all fours position, I had another cervical check. 2.5. Awesome, all that pain for half a centimeter. At that point I was exhausted and discouraged. I asked if there was anything that I could get to help me relax between the contractions and Amber obliged by bringing me a bag of fentanyl. Strike three against my birth plan.

The medication did not do much for my pain, but it did help me to relax between contractions. The result was me being completely silent and out of it between contractions, punctuated with random and meaningless cries for mercy. This went on for a few hours. I heard the conversations around me, but wasn't really able to participate. I occasionally would interject a little nugget of wisdom, like apologizing to my sister for her seeing my "lady bits," or a reminder to Rob that he should take out his contacts if his eyes hurt. It was surreal to say the least.

At some point another cervical check was performed and surprise of all surprises, I was dilated to 8 cm! That meant nearly 5 cms in just under 3 hours. Finally I could put to rest my fears of being administered pitocin, although at that point I didn't care about much besides getting the baby OUT. Rob put on a Velvet Underground album, then the movie Endless Summer. I laid in bed and cried. Amber mentioned that I some point I would feel the urge to push and to let her know when that came on. It was around 1am when I registered that I was indeed feeling that feeling, and that is when the real action started.

The doctor was called, a table of instruments suddenly appeared, and Amber began to coach me on how to push. It took me several contractions to get the hang of it, and while the contractions still hurt like hell, pushing was oddly relieving. At some point the doctor showed up, and 44 minutes after I began to push, little Eleanor Jean Organ made her way into the world. Rob, who had been sitting next to me holding my leg the whole time, was the one who told me it was a girl. I hope I never forget exactly what he said and how he said it: "It's a... It's a girl!" He cut the cord and she was placed on my chest. All I could say was "She is so beautiful, you are so beautiful." In the background I could hear the theme song to the Endless Summer playing to the DVD menu.

I felt so good at that point. My body did it, my baby was perfect, everything was perfect. After I was cleaned up, the doors opened and the rest of our family poured in to meet Eleanor. I just sat back, amazed that the baby in the room was mine. I was pregnant, and I gave birth, and now I was a mother.

Even though the experience was not what I thought it would be, it worked out just fine. In retrospect, I think if I had been more focused and relaxed I wouldn't have needed the IV drugs. Although I do have to say that all the nurses were quite impressed that I didn't get an epidural by choice - the hospital I delivered at has an 85% epidural rate. Next time around I plan on using both a midwife and a doula and will have the same goal of a natural birth.

My recovery is going well. I was up and walking around the next day - which also seemed to impress the hospital staff. We went home on Saturday, a day earlier than planned, because Eleanor and I were doing so well. Not to say that I didn't hurt - I hurt quite a bit. In fact, my two "small tears" are still hurting. But the funny thing is, I can barely remember what the contractions felt like. It is so true that once you give birth, you forget what the pain felt like. I would do it all ten time over, happily. I think about that time in the hospital the way I do past vacations - nostalgic, happy, ready to go right back to that moment and place.

Oh, and we took her home in the shirt Rob was wearing the day I met him - $9 dollar Wal-Mart flannel.

Birth Story, Part 1

2011-09-20T12:40:00.005-06:00

I wrote this out for myself and it was something like 17,000 words, so I thought I had better write an abridged version here. I can honestly say that it was the most amazing time of my life and while it didn't happen the way I had pictured it in my head, I am so happy and content with how it did work out.

Monday, August 29th was my due date. I was having Braxton Hicks contractions, but nothing painful. I had my 40 week check-up that morning where I learned that I was 1 cm dilated and 80% effaced. While that showed my body was making some progress, labor did not seem imminent and so the conversation turned towards induction. It was decided that unless the baby came mid-week, I would come back for tests on Friday and then most likely be induced the following Tuesday, September 6th (day after Labor Day).

I was disappointed since I wanted a totally natural birth, but tried to stay optimistic. I worked that Monday and decided that I would work from home for the next few days so I could focus on kick starting labor (Rob and I took many, many walks towards the end). On Wednesday I was so stressed out about not being in labor that I decided I would just take vacation days Thursday and Friday and focus on myself for the last few days before I became a mother (assuming that Tuesday would indeed be the day).

Ha. 5:30 am Thursday morning I woke up with a cramping sensation in my lower abdomen. I was pretty sure it was nothing, because my body was going to fail me and I was definitely going to be induced, remember? When the pain didn't subside after 45 minutes I decided to wake Rob up. Not because I thought I was in labor, but because I knew he would be mad if I didn't. He woke up and we timed a few of the "contractions."

Totally inconsistent.

So we took a walk around the block and timed a few more.

Still inconsistent.

So I sent Rob to work. He reluctantly obliged, but gave me strict orders to stay on my birthing ball and not to even think about anything not related to having "his" baby. All morning long I kept having these contractions. They never were consistent, but they did become increasingly painful as the morning wore on. Shortly before noon I decided that I better shower in case I did end up at the hospital. I called Rob and let him know that the contractions were not subsiding, just as an FYI, and of course he took it as a sign to come home. While he showered up, I called my mom and she offered to come over. By the time she arrived, with my sister in tow, it was about 3pm. The four of decided to see if a nice long walk would help move things along so we headed over to a local mall, Colorado Mills. Incidentally, Colorado Mills is where Rob and I met back in 2006.

My contractions were distractingly painful at that point, but according to my mothers stopwatch app, still not consistent. Rob insisted that I call the doctor, who suggested that I head to the hospital anyway. As she put it, since I was past due, they wouldn't send me home anyway. That really hit me hard. I was going to be a mother that night, one way or another. Either my body would do the job on its own, or I would be induced. Either way we were leaving the hospital as a family of three.

We arrived at the hospital around 6pm and the receptionist asked who we were there to visit. I was in such a daze that all I could do was point to my stomach. I couldn't even manage the words to explain that I was in labor. I couldn't even think that to myself, that I was in labor. It was very surreal.
Once settled into the L&D room, a nurse did a cervical check and gave me some really disappointing news: I was only 2 cm dilated and 90% effaced. I was terrified, sure that pitocin was in my future. The nurse suggested I take a walk, and we took a short stroll around the L&D floor. After about 10 minutes, I suggested we watch some television. I figured that if contractions all day long only opened me 1 cm, walking wasn't really going to do much for me at that point. Besides, I was actually pretty tired at that point.

We went back to the room and put on a movie my mom had brought, Drive Angry. It was actually pretty perfect as a distraction from the pain, and I don't normally even like action movies. It was a little strange since nurses seemed to walk in for all the worst moments (lots of blood and boobs), but I was in too much pain to even really notice. At 7 pm the night nurse, Amber, took over (I can't say enough nice things about Amber. She was so amazing throughout the whole experience).

By 7, the contractions were really painful. I also felt nauseated and after throwing up the first time ( I believe I threw up a total of 3-4 times before it was all said and done), Amber determined that I was dehydrated. I ended up with IV fluids, which was not part of my birth plan, but I can only blame myself for not drinking enough water that day (unusual for me, but I was distracted). After an hour, another check and more disappointing news: only 2.5 dilated. I was so upset. How could I be in so much pain and still barely be in labor? Part of the answer to that had to do with the fact that somewhere along the line, the baby had turned and was now facing the wrong way. That meant that I was having the dreaded "back labor."

To distract myself from the pain and the disappointment, I asked if I could labor in the tub for a while (Every L&D room has a Whirlpool tub for that very purpose). I hopped in and felt some relief immediately. I had planned on being modest and wearing a bikini, but by that point I was over caring who saw what. The only people in the room besides the medical team where Rob, my mother, and my sister anyway, so no one who was going to judge what they saw. Besides, since they all planned on watching the birth, a naked me was the least of the sights they would be seeing.

I lost track of time, but I must have been in the tub for at least 45 minutes. At that point, the intensity of the pain picked up, and my stamina was shot. I got out of the tub, threw up again, and received anti-nausea meds. Strike two against my birth plan. I was happy with my decision though, because vomiting mid-contraction was one of the more unpleasant experiences of my life. Amber suggested I spend a few contractions on all fours since that position can sometime turn a sunny-side up baby around. Perfect, I thought - laboring in different positions was one of the natural pain management techniques I had wanted to try. That lasted all of about 5 minutes before I determined that I was in too much pain to do anything besides curl up on my side and zone out. No breathing, no massage, no room for anything but the occasional outburst of "Please stop this! I can't do it anymore!"

Music from Eleanor's birth

2011-09-13T16:12:00.005-06:00

I am working on my birth story, along with other random thoughts about my new motherhood that I wanted to share. In the meantime, here are a few songs that will forever remind me of September 1-2, 2011.

The only way to describe how I felt the moment Nora was born.

From the album we were listening to during labor:

The movie we watched at the end of labor (Drive Angry got things started):

And via Kyle, (who wrote a beautiful post about the birth), the song that reminds her of that night (and now me too):

Week 1

2011-09-09T09:36:00.003-06:00

I can't believe that she has already been here a week. It has flown by! We are so lucky to have an incredibly laid back baby. She hardly fusses and only really cries when she is hungry. I plan on writing out her birth story but have found it so hard to tear myself away from her to actually take the time to do so. And to top it off, I have been having issues uploading my photos. Here are a few that I managed to get uploaded.

Eleanor Jean

2011-09-02T18:43:00.003-06:00

My daughter made her way into the world at 2:25 this morning. She is beautiful and we are in love. Birth story and pictures coming soon.

40 Weeks

2011-08-29T10:13:00.003-06:00

Today is my due date. Still no baby. According to the doctor, there is some progress (1 cm dilated, 70% effaced, but they still dropped the "I" word on me. I'll go back on Friday for some tests (unless I go into labor on my own before then), then probably schedule the induction for sometime next week.

I really would like to avoid any unnecessary medical intervention, so I'm trying to stay positive that labor is just around the corner. I have to admit that I am a little humbled by this. I assumed that since my pregnancy was so easy and my body handled it so well, that I would have a quick and easy labor somewhere around the 38 week mark. No such luck. On a semi-related side note, every time I start a self-dialogue about how cute I look in a particular outfit or how great of a hair day I am having, I walk into a wall or some nonsense. I guess this is the maternity version of that...

Still feeling great, and the baby is doing well, so I still consider myself very lucky. The anxiety is about to kill us, but nothing can be done about that. Like Rob said, it went from "oh, this is exciting, when will the baby be here?!" to "Seriously, when will the baby be here?!" in the past week. Keep in mind that we found out I was pregnant on December 18th, 2010. I think I have been patient long enough! Today I'm at work, but I'm thinking about telecommuting the rest of the week. Or at least tomorrow. If one more person points out that I haven't had my baby yet, I may just cry.

Living Room

2011-08-26T13:29:00.008-06:00

Our house is always a work in progress. We are always moving furniture around, rearranging, and re-imagining our small house. I took a few snapshots the other day of our living room, trying to imagine what will change once we have a baby's need to consider. Of course small modifications have already been made, because seriously, work in progress. Always.

Also I included a picture of my diaper bag because, well, I love it and I haven't been able to use it yet.

Baby Update

2011-08-25T13:35:00.006-06:00

No baby yet. Or rather no baby outside of my body yet. I think I am making it the full 40 weeks (my due date is 8/29). Sigh. At least I have had an easy pregnancy...

We still don't know if the little baby is a boy or a girl, still don't have a boy's name picked out, and of course have no clue what the kid looks like. That part is really fun to imagine.

Since I have hazel eyes and Rob's are blue, our child should end up with either green or blue eyes. Red hair runs in both of our families (obviously a little stronger in my case), so we could likely have a little redhead. I think that would be amazing, especially if we end up with a little girl. Rob started out as a towhead but his hair gradually faded to brown over the years, so anything is possible there. Below are the younger versions of us. I can't wait to see what traits the baby gets from each of us! Going through both of our baby pictures, I think it is a safe assumption that the kid will have Marlon Brando-type jowels. Good thing that is a cute look on a baby!

Still pregnant. Still working. Trying to remain positive.

2011-08-18T10:19:00.006-06:00

I'm a quasi-government employee. I think I have mentioned that before, but if not, yep, it's true. While it is a little more complex than this, tax dollars pay my bills.

"Quasi" means that we are funded by a federal agency, the Department of Energy. Funded by, but not employees of. NREL is managed by another company (another several actually) and truth be told, NREL is a facility and technically no one evens work for NREL, just at NREL. Makes sense, right? Anyway, what quasi-government really means is that we have to follow all the rules without getting all of the perks. And when federal budget cuts are looming, we are definitely on the chopping block. I should say that we could be on the chopping block. We just don't know what the future looks like, but of course we are optimistic.

That being said, it looks like I am going on leave at a bad time. I work in the HRIS/Comp function and the fall is always busy. This fall may be bringing special considerations and difficulties which is leaving me a little ambivalent. I am actaully quite happy to be missing out on stressful and difficult months, but I really am a little unsure about what I will walk back into when I get back. As much as I would like to say I won't think of work while I am out, I tend to have a hard time letting that sort of thing go.

On the other hand, I am so happy to have time off in the fall. Fall is probably my favorite season in Colorado. I love summers, but CO summers are so unpredicatable. Actually, all weather is unpredicatable in Colorado. Fall is nice because there usually isn't the extreme temps we can get the rest of the year, and usually the snow won't start until late October or later. Plus, pumpkins! And this year, babies in pumpkins!

I am thinking that I will be starting back at work sometime in early November, which will give me all of September and October with the baby. So for that reason, I am okay with the fact that the baby isn't here yet. Every day that he or she waits is another day I get to spend with my baby in my favorite season.

Yeah, this post doesn't make so much sense. But this is the random trail of thoughts that were bouncing through my head today. Mantras...I will not stress about work. I will not stress about work. I will enjoy my baby and my time off with said baby. I will not worry that because my baby was not two weeks early my baby will be two weeks late.

We have been trying to fill our time up. Work obviously takes a large portion of both our days. Aside from that we've gone out to dinner, met up with friends, and generally tried to relax. This weekend we are going to eat at our favorite breakfast place, go see an IMAX movie at the museum, and maybe even make it to the pool if the weather cooperates. Hopefully we can get a little more cleaning done (car detail, cleaning the carpets where the dogs spend most of their day, hang up some pictures in our back room). Otherwise I'm sure we will be nervous wrecks. Each day gets a little hard to deal with the anticipation and I'm not sure how much more we can take!

Feeling sorry for myself

2011-08-15T09:27:00.004-06:00

I am feeling sorry for myself today. I'm hoping to snap out of it later, but for now I am just wallowing in it.

My fish died some time last night. He was looking a little sick, and my husband reassured me that no, there would be nothing a vet would do for a sick beta fish. I cried last night and again this morning. Thankfully Rob took care of everything so I didn't have to see him like that. A little silly of me perhaps, but I really loved Mortimer. He always seemed so happy to see us and he was such a pretty little guy. I'm not sure what happened, but we are fairly sure that it was nothing that we did, which makes me feel a little better.

It didn't help that we had some behavioral issues with our dogs this weekend. I guess they didn't get the memo that now is NOT the time to be causing problems.

Also, still no baby. Which means yes, still working. And the rest of my family is doing their annual quasi-family reunion in California this week. I should be laying by the pool right now. Or laying in the hospital with a baby in my arms. At this point, I would take either happily.

Oh, and Rob woke up in the middle of the night last night because a spider crawled across him. So of course I didn't sleep at all after that. Just because the spider in question had been killed didn't mean that his entire family wasn't just under the bed, plotting a retaliation attack.

A few bright spots in my mood: I bought Adobe Creative Suite, so I can finally learn photoshop, I won an a giveaway this weekend, and my best friend Kyle has had some fun baby shopping at Elvis Week. Now if I could just produce the baby I would gladly get over myself...

Patience

2011-08-10T17:27:00.006-06:00

I used to think that I was getting wiser and more patient in my old age as a function of just growing up. This afternoon the truth hit me - it is all about my job. I think the main requirement of working in the low end of high tech is to be patient.

Meetings that accomplish nothing? Check.

Long conversations with bullheaded IT techs? Yep.

Poorly designed databases and technical difficulties at precisely the wrong times? Oh yeah.

Explaining things so many times over that you know the question that is going to be asked by the look in their eye? You know it, baby.

Remaining calm and pleasant even when dealing with people who have double your salary and half your understanding of the systems? Down pat.

It's definitely the job. Hopefully that will transfer over to parenting, because lord knows if I can stay calm under my working conditions, there is no excuse for me to ever lose my cool again.

Week 37

2011-08-10T12:37:00.003-06:00

I'm nearing the finish line and even though my pregnancy experience has been pretty terrific, I am more than ready to be done. It really is amazing how I don't even think about how different it feels anymore. I used to be freaked out by every movement in my abdomen, and now the baby's entire elbow can be poking out my side and all I do is giggle and rub the little limb like it's no big deal. After we moved the baby's bookcase into the nursery, I was really hesitant to put things on the bottom shelf. In my head I was thinking about how hard it would be to reach all the way down there... it took a few minutes for me to realize that I used to be able to reach the floor and likely will be able to do so again, some day in the not so distant future!

Anyway, we are ready. Bags packed, nursery 75% done (which is really more than enough considering the baby will be in our room at first anyway), and we are also about 85% done with deep cleaning of the house. Walls, baseboards, blinds, all clean. Birthing class completed last weekend. Which, I should add, was a very good experience. I felt pretty prepared on my own, thanks to the mommyblog trolling I do, but it was nice to have an actual doula reaffirm the whole process. I was the only one in the class who wanted a natural childbirth, although I got the sense that I was the only one who had taken the time to really explore my options either. The doula and Rob and I had a few "offline" conversations that made me really consider switching to a midwife, even this far along, but I think that I will just focus on that for the next go round.

In the last week I have been able to tell that my body is getting ready too. The baby has seemed to drop a bit and I have been experiencing more (painless) contractions, along with some cramping. I don't feel that labor is right around the corner, but it doesn't seem so far off either. Another week or two would be just fine with me. :)

All that being said, I think I will miss some parts of being pregnant. I'm sure I will miss the little movements that put a smile on my face throughout the day. I know I will miss seeing Rob lay next to my stomach and dream out loud of what they baby will be like. Obviously there will be greater reward in meeting my child and bringing him or her home, but I am going to try to really appreciate these last few weeks.

08/08/11

2011-08-09T13:29:00.004-06:00

Yesterday Rob and I celebrated three years of marriage. It was a quiet celebration since we already have so much going on, but it didn't go by completely unnoticed. We exchanged a few small gifts, and I got roses, which are always appreciated. I could go on for hours about all the reasons why I love Rob and why we work together so well, but I will spare you all that squishiness and just say that we "get" each other. Marriage is hard, but always worth it and we can't wait to see what new happiness comes our way this next year.

Blogging Buddies

2011-08-03T15:18:00.001-06:00

I wrote a (very long!) post for Windshield Diaries and it is up today. Head over there if you are interested in reading more about my dogs.

Thanks Crystal!

Rough Week

2011-08-03T08:31:00.008-06:00

The last week has been a little rough. I have a cold, which has been sucking the life out of me. I can't take any medications for it, so aside from vitamin C every morning, there hasn't been much for me to do.

I went home early on Monday, then had one the most embarrassing moments yet as a pregnant woman. I stopped at Whole Foods on my way home (2 or 2:30) because I am a bad pregnant woman and hadn't had anything to eat yet that day. I grab a few items (cream, shallots, sparkling water) and headed out to my car. I had one large paper bag on one arm, and my purse on the other. I was wearing flip-flops (not the most sensible choice, but the easiest given the 1/2 size increase my feet have recently gone through). All of the sudden, I felt myself falling. I tried to catch myself, but can't quite regain my balance. This went on for what seemed like forever until finally, I fell hard. It was terrible. I was somewhere between laughing and crying and some guy rushes over and asks if I need help. I rambled on about "no balance today," and "yes, I will accept help but only because I'm pregnant and can't get up otherwise"... I don't think he understood a word of what I said but he helped me up and as soon as he saw just how pregnant I was, all he could say was "Wow." I grabbed my stuff, rushed to my car, and burst into tears.

I don't know why it upset me so much, but it did. I fell and skinned my knee while pregnant in front of a crowd. So what? But I couldn't stop crying. I called Rob and he felt very badly for me, which helped. What didn't help was that he then went on to criticize my shoe choice, but I guess he was right, so I can't fault him there.

Yesterday I left work early too with the intent to finish up a few things at home and then taking the afternoon off. I went straight home, hopped on my laptop, and then the slow connection made it so that it was 5pm before I finished up (Normal off time is around 6 to 6:30). An hour is an hour though, so I used that time to nap. Which of course meant that by the time I wanted to go to bed for the night at 11pm, I couldn't fall asleep. And Rob felt bad for me this morning, being sick and pregnant and all, and so didn't wake me up when he got up. I had to get ready in about 15 minutes, still was late, still am sick, and still am tired. It's a vicious circle. I've had a great pregnancy, but I really feel like it's time to move on to the next phase. Hear me, baby? I'm ready when you are...

Some random pictures from my phone, mostly relating to the baby. Happy thoughts.

Baby Shower Photos / 35 weeks

2011-07-26T22:38:00.001-06:00

I'm still alive. And pregnant.

2011-07-26T09:14:00.003-06:00

Yep, still alive, still pregnant. More pregnant than ever, in fact. I am 35 weeks while still holding strong, it is starting to get uncomfortable. I had some killer back pain last week, and the baby loves karate which makes it hard to get comfy any time of the day. And the worst of it all must be the exhaustion. I am just so darn tired. I can't even get into nesting after a full day of work. But I am grateful for my child's strong kicks and for my husband who helps out more and more each day even after his own much longer work day. I did let the baby know, in the nicest way possible, that I am pretty much ready so as soon as he/she finished up in there, a quick exit would be best. We will see if we have a baby that listens.

I wish I didn't have to work these last few weeks, and I could just enjoy the time, but I decided early on that I would rather have as much time with the baby after he/she is born and so everyday I drag myself into work and stare at a computer for roughly 10 hours. Once I get home the last thing I want to do is look at a computer again, so I am behind on pictures. Which is a shame because I have some very cute photos from my baby shower last Saturday.

Thanks to the three most amazing women in the world, Kyle, my mom, and my sister, I had an unbelievably cute baby shower complete with fun games, delicious food, and very generous gifts. Which of course reminds me that I need to write up some thank yous! And finish homework. And finish baby crafting. And buy some baby essentials that we didn't receive. And steam clean the carpets. Hmmm, now I remember why I prefer to nap on the couch after work. Once I think of one thing I have to do, I suddenly remember the whole damn list.

Completely unrelated, I wanted to share one other thought. I don't have a large social circle, but I do have a very deep one. Sometimes I feel uninteresting, or unappealing, or just plain awkward since not many people seem to get me, or even really like that me that much. I'm sure a lot of that is the energy that I put out, that I already assume that people won't "get" me, but for whatever reason, I feel pretty over looked pretty often. But what I really should be more focused on is that the people that do love me, love me a lot. And I appreciate and love those people more than I could really ever express... They keep me sane, and that is saying a lot!

34 Weeks

2011-07-19T14:09:00.003-06:00

I am now in my 35th week of pregnancy and besides the fact that I can't bend down, I'm still doing pretty well. My house isn't "bring a newborn home" clean since it's too far out to do that, and my nursery isn't completed because IKEA doesn't open until next week, and we don't have a car seat or stroller or really any of the requisite gear because we are waiting until after the baby shower (Saturday!). Basically we are in limbo. Chillin' and waiting for the baby. It's been good though, since we are taking the time to do things like nap freely and drive aimlessly in the mountains.

We had our hospital tour a few Saturdays ago, which put me at ease. The hospital's policy is basically whatever the patient and the doctor agree on. Hundreds of visitors in and out of the labor? Cool, if that is what you want. Prefer the nurses make up something about strictly enforced visitor hours? OK, no problem. And there is a big jetted tub in every bathroom for labor, plus squat bars, birthing balls, wireless fetal monitors, free valet parking, and free room service for mom (and a small fee if anyone else wants room service). The hospital believes in bonding right away and not only places the baby on you immediately (when possible, of course), but they try to keep the baby in the room with mom as much as they can (most tests are even done bedside). In the event the baby needs to go to the NICU, there are beds in each room so the mom's can stay with the baby (I guess that is fairly rare). I still have zero relationship with any of the 4 doctors that might potentially deliver my baby, but between the hospital and Rob's promise of being a strong advocate, I am pretty calm and comfortable about the situation.

I am actually more calm about everything than I imagined I would be. Maybe it's denial or maybe it is just that I really don't have to be high-stung about every little detail in my life. I want to enjoy my baby and I think somewhere along the way it struck me that the more I try to control things the more unhappy I am bound to be. I still have my moments, but overall, I'm doing well.

Rob is beyond excited. Everyday he asks me about "his baby." He listens to him/her move and tells the baby secrets. Seriously, he whispers so that I can't hear. And he has already mastered the art of using the child as a manipulation tool... Sunday he told me that he and the baby has talked it over, and it was time for a nap. Rob knew that I wasn't in the mood to nap, but how can I say no when he tells me that the baby and him both want one? So we napped. I stayed mostly awake, thinking about how happy and lucky I was to have Rob and this baby on the way.

Here are some pictures from this weekend. I'm on target for size so even though I am annoyed with the weight that accumulated all across my body, I am glad to hear that the baby is perfectly on track. Still no stretch marks so I have to be thankful for that small miracle.

Monsoon Season

2011-07-13T08:28:00.002-06:00

The Monsoon Season has hit Colorado. Rain, and lots of it for the past week. I like rain well enough, but I hate that the rainy season cooincides with only time of the year that I actually fully enjoy living in Colorado - the summer. I hate being cold and I love tank tops, snow cones, and swimming, so the rain is really starting to get to me.

Not to mention that last night it came with the worst lightening storm I had ever seen. The news reported 9,000 strikes of lightening in one hour in the Denver Metro Area. It was like a strobe light from 9pm-10pm. The dogs were freaking out, I was freaking out (we have some big trees in our yard), and then once I told Rob I was having frequent Braxton Hicks contractions, he started freaking out too. Needless to say, we are all exhausted this morning. But on the bright side, our grass looks really green!

4th of July

2011-07-09T10:24:00.007-06:00

The 4th of July is Rob's birthday (26 this year), so it is always a little more hectic than the average holiday. This year was low-key but busy, with chores on Saturday (our swamp cooler is fixed!); breakfast at Snooze on Sunday morning followed by the pool and dinner with my family; then lunch with his family on Monday followed by a party at friends' house.

Unrelated, this last week I hit 32 weeks. Still going strong, but i can definitely tell I'm pregnant. I'm just all around awkward these days.

Quick Post

2011-07-01T09:40:00.008-06:00

Some bump pictures from last few weeks:

I am going to get my words together this weekend, but in the meantime I had a few photos to share.

Also, it is July 1st. My baby is due in August. Technically it is two months, since I'm not due until August 29th, but... I can now get away with saying that I am due "next month." NEXT MONTH! That is crazy!!! I thought it was going to take forever to get to this point and now I feel so unprepared!

Music videos to replace any actual content

2011-06-28T08:30:00.003-06:00

Still very busy. Work makes me stabby but I am doing my best to not care since I'M HAVING A BABY. Very soon, in fact! I have pictures from Minnesota to go through, homework to finish, a nursery to decorate, a house to organize and clean, and a birthday dinner for to plan and shop for (Rob's birthday is the 4th of July). Instead of being productive at home this weekend, I hung out with Kyle and my mom on Saturday, then had dinner with another couple and spent Sunday at the public pool. Now I'm playing catch up, so enjoy a few music videos until I can get my act together enough to post something of real value.

How can you not love this song?

This is my new mantra. If I were to get my knuckles tattooed (which I'm not, at least not in the foreseeable future), I'd get "someday."

King of surf guitar

North-Side gal. I can't believe how hard it has been for me to get a hold of this (physical) album!

Blogger and commenting

2011-06-23T08:55:00.002-06:00

I've been having some trouble commenting on other blogger blogs. Sad day! I feel so guilty because there have several comments that I have wanted to leave over the last few days but couldn't. Now that I have aired my epic struggle, I feel much better. ;)

Anyone else considering switching to another platform? I feel like I don't my blog seriously enough for that really, but some days I am sure tempted.

Father's Day, a little late

2011-06-23T08:53:00.001-06:00

Happy Father's Day to all the great dads of the world! That of course includes my own father, who has done more for me than I will ever be able to thank him for (including free tech support), my FIL, who helped shape my husband into the man he is, and of course, Rob.

Rob isn't technically a father yet, but he is in his head and heart and his enthusiasm is unwavering. I have no doubts that he will be an amazing dad. I know that mistakes will be made and that no one is perfect, but the passion and dedication that man has for his family (anyone who he considers family that is, blood or otherwise) is unmatched. I can't wait to see him holding his child for the first time. He hasn't expressed any ambivalence about this journey to parenthood (honestly, unlike me, even though I was the one who brought up children first). Once he is onboard with something, he is there 100%, no in-between.

So Happy Father's Day to you too, Rob.

Happiness is

2011-06-21T11:02:00.006-06:00

Happiness is an intense realization that you are absolutely content with your life. Like sitting on an airplane with a man you whole-heartedly love, while he leans his head on yours and falls asleep while your unborn child stretches in your abdomen. It may not have been the most exciting moment of my life, but for just a minute, I realized that nothing in the whole world could have made me happier.

Cheesy but true. And it gets worse, because there may or may not have been happy tears involved.

I'm trying to see happiness in the little things. It's not so much then when I'm not happy I'm sad, but rather if I'm not sad, then I am happy. Glass half full type thinking, and not typically American. My life is far from sparkly unicorns and fireworks, but it makes me very, very happy.

Just a few quick things

2011-06-15T08:57:00.002-06:00

I'm leaving for Minnesota tonight. Work is still crazy and I feel like crying daily, although I am trying to keep in mind that I only have 10 more weeks until maternity leave!

Some things I wanted to say before I forgot...

1. Rob painted my toenails a few weeks back and again a few days ago. It's not the nicest looking job, but since I can't reach my toes and breathe at the same time, I'm not complaining. Especially because on Monday he did a base coat, two coats of color, two coats of a glitter top coat and a coat of quick dry stuff for me. All without complaining.

2.It is so strange having constant movement in my body that I have zero control over. Words can't describe the feeling. I'm still amazed that there is indeed a very tiny human in my body that will be ready to come out in just a few short months.

3. We have no boys names picked out, so it better be a girl. ;)

4. Rob and I went to see Nick 13 in concert last night. He is the singer for Tiger Army, a band that I have loved for 10 years now. Last night was just his solo work (which we loved!) and one of the funniest moments was when a fan in front called out for "FTW," an older Tiger Army song. Nick 13's response was, "There will be no F**king the world tonight." I guess that's one of those, "You had to be there stories," but it was funny at the time.

Here is me at 29 weeks. I'll be back next week with lots of pictures (car show! baseball game! lakes!).

New favorite picture

2011-06-10T08:57:00.003-06:00

It's a little dark and probably could benefit from a modesty patch, but I love this picture. It's definitely describes pre-baby dog life. Poor little Czara is going to be heartbroken. As it is, every time I say the word "baby," she thinks we are talking about her. She looks very confused when instead of fussing over her, Rob then fusses over my stomach. Last night I said something about the baby, and she came to us from two rooms over, like "you called?"

Poor little spoiled puppy.

Music Time

2011-06-09T08:33:00.004-06:00

It's been a busy week. Rob has been working a lot, there are a lot of changes and projects going on at my job, we are still trying to get ready for baby, and we are going on vacation next week! Rob was born in Colorado, but spent ages 4-16 in Minnesota. I had never been so we decided to take a mini vacation (5 days) and hit up one of the country's largest car shows at the same time. His parents will be out there at the same time, so it will be mostly a family vacation, but we did book a hotel room for a few nights so that we could have some "couple" time too. We may take one more weekend trip later this summer, but aside from that, this will be our last pre-baby trip! These pictures are from Sunday, when we headed out to The People's Fair in Denver. I'm a little bigger every day!

I also want to highly recommend three albums I bought in the past week: Codes and Keys (Rob especially has a soft spot for Death Cab), Nick 13, and Give The Drummer Some. All really fantastic albums.

And to catch up on my thirty days of songs:

A song I can dance to - Big Sandy, Jumping from 6 to 6. Love Robert!

A song from my favorite band - Don't Drag Me Down from Social Distortion. I have a very emotional reaction to this song. It's intense. I would love to get a tattoo based on this song some day.

A song (that I actually like) from a band that I normally hate - Analog by Strung Out. I guess "hate" is a little strong of a word, but Rob and I have this little disagreement about this band. He thinks they are awesome, I don't. I like my punk more gutter, he grew up on the more poppy, musically technical stuff. But out of respect to him, I will post a strung out video on my blog. Nice wife, huh? Oh, and I did go see them in concert with him last year. It wasn't terrible.

A guilty pleasure - Bruno Mars

A song that no one would expect me to like - Nympethamine, Cradle of Filth. Yes, for some reason I am oddly enthralled by COF. I don't know why, I try not to think about it too much, but I'm not usually much for the industrial/goth scene, so I think it's unexpected.

And for fun, here is a video off of the Travis Barker solo. I actually like a fair amount of hip-hop: Atmosphere, The Transplants, Brother Ali, Murs, things of that ilk. So it shouldn't be surprising that I love this album. I do have to admit that I was a little surprised at some of the lyrics because I don't often listen to artists like Snoop Dog or Lil Wayne. So this one of our many cds that probably not played around the baby. But tell me that this song isn't catchy...

Oh, and one more... A third song about Highway 101 that Rob and I love (Besides Highway 101 and El Camino Real). Don't tell anyone, but Rob shed a little tear when he first heard this song.

Recent Preg Pics

2011-06-03T09:37:00.007-06:00

Baby is kicking a lot these days. I'm still feeling good. My bump is more noticable everyday, but in some clothes I still just look chubby. Nearly everyday I get a "I didn't even realize you are pregnant!" And then people go on to estimate that I must be about 4 months along. Nope, starting my third trimester in a few days! I have to thank my exceedingly long torso for that. I've been having baby dreams almost every night. Mostly good, but last night I had one that focused on cleaning that left me feeling very panicked. Must be that nesting instinct starting to kick in. I am normally pretty type A about housework and organization, so my husband is hating life right about now. I'm starting to feel like I will never be ready, which is a 180 from my previous attitude of "9months is sooo long to have to wait!"

Highchair Giveaway at Sometimes Sweet!

2011-06-02T10:02:00.003-06:00

I want this. badly. My MIL and I were at Babies R Us on Sunday and we were discussing how ugly most modern high chairs are... this is not ugly!

So anyone in the market for a highchair should check this out!

2011-05-31T12:42:00.001-06:00

I love Velvet Underground and Lou Reed. Who doesn't know this song?

Memorial Day Weekend

2011-05-31T08:59:00.002-06:00

I had a really good weekend. I had 4 days off from work, and while I didn't accomplish most of what I had planned to do, it was still very productive. We went to a baseball game, did some baby shower planning, got the nursery painted, ate at a delicious Brazilian steakhouse and hung out in both Denver and Boulder. The weather wasn't great, but it stayed dry so I can't even complain too much about that.

I have a lot of pictures to go through, including my week 26 and week 27 pregnancy pictures. I am huge, no mistaking that baby bump now! And it is insane to think the baby could be here in as little as 10 weeks (well, safely). I am so grateful for my continued mobility. Even if it gets bad in the third trimester, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

I also want to say that I am so lucky to have Rob. He is so excited to be a daddy. He keeps saying that he is not at all nervous, that he just knows that everything is going to work out. He is also a great husband and my best friend. I love how whenever we are in a crowd, I don't have to look down, I just know that his hand will be there to grab mine. And I love he always positions me so that he stands closest to the street when we are walking. And that it is a given that he will open a door for me. I feeling particularly lucky today, since we were able to spend so much time together this weekend. He works a lot, and he was lucky enough to have had a 3-day weekend this time around. I was out and about much of this weekend and he was stuck doing some things around the house, so it wasn't like non-stop togetherness, but it was nice not heaving the threat of gainful employment dangling over our heads at night. I think I stayed up past midnight twice since Friday!

Anyway, I will be back with music videos and pictures.

Day 7: A song that reminds you of a certain event

2011-05-27T08:45:00.006-06:00

This song reminds me of a day four summers ago when Rob and my brother and I went to Water World. Rob and I were fighting a lot that summer and this album had just come out, so I can't listen to the album without feeling a little sad.

And for the record, I love Tiger Army. Haters gonna hate, but whatever. This is not my favorite of their work, but I have strong love for Nick 13. In fact, I just bought tickets to Nick 13's solo date in Denver. It's the night before we leave for Minnesota (after a work day), but I did it anyway. I'm reckless like that. ;)

Day 6: A song that reminds you of somewhere

2011-05-27T08:45:00.005-06:00

Theme from The Endless Summer. This reminds me of California. Rob and I love this movie, especially for winding down right before bed. It definitely fuels our fantasy of moving to a beach community in California.

Day 5: A song that reminds you of someone

2011-05-25T10:51:00.001-06:00

I have to agree with Kyle's pick, this song reminds me of some hilarious times.

Off subject - is blogger messing with any one else today?

Day 4: A song that makes me sad

2011-05-24T10:53:00.003-06:00

This song makes me cry just thinking about it. My dad used to play this on weekends while we cleaned the house growing up. It reminded him of his dad, who died very suddenly when my father was in his twenties (before I was born). My dad and his dad were in the middle of some drama at the time, so my dad never did get to tell his dad all the things he wanted to say. Coinccidently, Rob's father played his father's funeral (before I met Rob) so the mention of this song will make both Rob and I cry like there is no tomorrow.

Day 3: a song that makes me happy

2011-05-21T09:34:00.004-06:00

I really shouldn't preface every one of these music posts with something about how favorite is hard to define, blah, blah. Lots of songs make me happy, this just happens to be one of them. I heard this on a Hellcat Sampler years ago and it puts me in a good mood every time.

No More Misty Days by Buju Banton with Rancid

Day 2: Least Favorite Song

2011-05-21T09:30:00.002-06:00

I don't know why I would want to share a song that I hate... I'm not too fond of Katy Perry, and I especially hate California Gurls, but I will do us all a favor and not share the video. :)

Day 1 - Favorite Song

2011-05-21T09:18:00.002-06:00

Favorite is not a word I can use easily, but this really might be my favorite song.

This whole album (Sex, Love, and Rock and Roll) is very important to me and Rob, and very symbolic of our relationship. This is the first song that we danced to at our wedding, and Rob has the Highway 101 sign tattooed on his arm. This song reminds of the early times in our relationship, and the words hit close to home.

30 days of music

2011-05-20T18:18:00.004-06:00

I'm following Kyle's lead and posting 30 days of music. Some of the selections are a little, uh, random, but this should be fun.

day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

2011-05-20T08:34:00.008-06:00

Thanks to a visit from VP Biden, I am telecommuting today. It's nice to have a little less pressure after the week I have had... This week I was I was in the middle of an I-9 audit, dealing with a hot compensation issue, and had to meet with the top management at NREL regarding our tuition reimbursement program. Oh, and now is the time of year when all the summer interns start and I am the guardian of new hire data. So it's been real, real fun. But thanks to the lack of shuttle availability, heightened security, and the onslaught of local media, I opted to stay home and do some online training I had been putting off. And laundry! Yay!

My usual method of dealing with stress is to get pissy, so I'm sure I've been a joy to be around this week. Rob is handling it like a trooper, bringing me flowers, gummy bears, and blackberries. I may have to admit that the hormones are kicking in a little and bringing out some of the worst anxiety in me. But I will get through this too, and aside from sciatica, I'm still feeling great. Last night we put headphones on my abdomen and let the baby listen to a few songs: some Rosemary Clooney, The Who, and of course, Social Distortion. The baby was kicking up storm, so he/she either loved it or hated it!

Earlier in the night Rob and I had volunteered with my mom at a women's homeless shelter, so that was helpful in giving me perspective as well. It served to remind me that I want to raise my baby with the awareness of community. Like Gandhi said, you have to be the change you want to see in the world. No man is an island, and every little decision we make has the potential to impact someone else, for better or worse. It is our choice to remember or ignore that fact, and I try very hard to remember.

Anyway, here are some preg pics from last weekend, at 25 weeks. The dress below I won in a giveaway and I didn't quite believe the company when they advertised the dress as "runs large" so even the small fit me (I think this week was my last chance for now). Even though the picture was not from that night, the outfit is what I wore to my final photography review. Everyone called me "adorable." That is a perk of pregnancy, never before have I gained weight and got more compliments out of the deal!

One Lovely Blog

2011-05-17T14:48:00.008-06:00

Ginny was kind enough to tag me for the One Lovely Blog Award (my first ever). I really appreciate the sweet sentiment since I don't think very much of my little blog. I use this as a way to get out of my head, but I really want it to be more than that. Little things like this definitely serve as motivation to push myself and my blog to be all that it can be!

Here are the award guidelines:
1. Post linking back to the person that gave you the award
2. Share 7 random things about yourself
3. Award 15 recently discovered blogs.
4. Drop them a note and tell them about it.

.....

1. Go check out Life as Topher's Mom. Ginny's blog is full of glimpses into her life as a mom and teacher. I have to echo the person who tagged her in saying that it is a very interesting daily read!

2. 7 random things about myself.

I love to cook and bake. Most recently I made this and this. Both were really good. I added milk chocolate and Reeses peanut butter chips to the cookies, in case you were wondering. Peanut flour is awesome for several reasons, including that it is gluten-free and has higher levels of protein than regular flour. I used TJ brand (thanks mom!).

Rob and I are addicted to San Pellegrino. Thank god for Costco.

I bruise like a peach. Seriously, tap me on the arm and I will be showing it for a week. My legs are covered in black and blue spots since I'm also Captain Oblivious (Hi Desk! I didn't notice you there!)

I despise bananas. I can be persuaded to eat (and sometimes even make) banana bread, but I can't see someone eating a fresh banana without gagging. I insist all smoothies be made banana free. I also hate fish (hate eating it, love the creatures) and electrical humming noises.

I love swimming and anything relating to water. Oceans, pools, hot springs. I even have an underwater scene tattooed on my arm.

My happy place is the happiest place on Earth, Disneyland.

I am secretly hoping for a red-headed baby.

3. 15 blogs to tag... that is a tall order! How about 5?

All This Grace and Charm
Windshield Diaries
The Right Amount of Sass, Class, and Ass
The DC Metro Retro
I've Been to Graceland

Assumptions

2011-05-17T09:05:00.004-06:00

No one thinks I am married. I just can't figure out for the life of me why this keeps happening. I have never been referred to as Mrs. Organ, always Ms. Organ. Even when Rob is next to me and we are both wearing rings. In the spirit of full disclosure, Rob does not usually wear his wedding ring during the week since it is a hazard in his line of work. But even when he is wearing his ring, I get called his girlfriend. Maybe it's the tattoos? My mom says it's because I look young. I'm young, but not that young. Closer to 30 than 20 in fact. Make-up, no make-up, frumpy yoga pants or dressed up, I guess I just don't look like the marrying type.

Of course this has translated to pregnancy. I know that it is more rare these days, but I indeed got married, bought a house, then decided to have a baby. In that order. Not that there is anything wrong with doing things any other way since there are a million paths to a family, but I am surprised that people are so shocked to learn that I planned this pregnancy. A really common question when we first announced it was "Was it planned?" And this was coming from casual acquaintances (my family and friends knew it was on the horizon). We had been married 2.5 years at that point (which doesn't mean anything, I know) and I had been talking about babies non stop pretty much after our first year of marriage. We were a little shocked at just how quickly it happened after "pulling the goalie," but a baby was indeed in the game plan. The question didn't even bother us, just the number of people who asked and who asked... it seemed that the less well we knew someone, the more likely they were to ask!

The worst is at work. 6 months ago a co-worker was at my desk and saw my wedding pictures. She asked who's wedding it was, finishing up with "...because you're not married..." Umm, I'm not in the habit of having other people's wedding pictures at my desk (I'm not talking family/group shots, it was our hands/rings, our cake, and us!), and yeah, for over two years now, thankyouverymuch. I've been married longer than I have been at my current job!

So you can imagine how it has been with the baby news. I am pretty quiet until you get to really know me, and I tend to shy away from the spotlight. I started telling my immediate co-workers back in February, but it still took until last week for the rest of my 30+ person department to find out. There is another pregnant woman who is about to go on maternity leave and her group wanted to throw her a baby shower this coming Friday. The co-organizer mentioned that I was also pregnant and they asked me if I would like to be included (two-for-one shower=less awkward for me). I said yes and the invite went out. People have started coming up to me and saying congratulations "now that it is official," as though I was holding off on announcing the news. In the past few months I can't tell you how many people asked if it was okay to talk to me about it, as though it was taboo and maybe I was unprepared to discuss the realities of becoming a teen mother. I am exaggerating a little, but not much.

Maybe I come across ashamed or awkward about the situation since I am not shoving it down every one's throat 24/7? How do you broach the topic with someone that you maybe say hi to a few times a week? Or rather, why would I unless the conversation naturally went there?
And keep in mind that I work in HR at the National Renewable Energy Lab and I am a Human Resources Information Systems specialist. So it's not like I am making copies or grabbing coffee as an intern. I could do things that would wreck pay checks (cue Evil Laugh). I am a grown-up, dammit!

Of course I just laugh and say that I could talk about it all day and that I just didn't want to assume that everyone else does. That's when everyone finally feels okay to say that I am glowing and how exciting, etc, etc. Of course this hasn't been everyone's reaction, but I am little shocked at how often it has happened. For example, I went to register at Babies R Us on Saturday with my mom. I had some online registries (Target and Amazon) and then my anxiety kicked in and I thought that I wasn't asking for the right things, so I had my mom help me out. The lady who set up the registry made a few comments (not in any way unkind) that made me feel like she thought I was there with my mom for lack of male presence in my pregnancy. I had listed "Rob Organ" as my co-registrant, but she still didn't seem to connect the dots (to her credit she didn't seem all that sharp in the first place). The real reason Rob was not there was because my husband, like me, has never birthed a child, while my mother has three times over.

I guess it boils down to this: I'm bothered since I can't decide whether it is a societal commentary or a personal one. Is it just me? Am I projecting weird energy or do old people just assume that young-uns with tattoos don't know about birth control? Again, not to put down "accidents," just want to know why people assume that about me!

I am, as usual, probably reading far too much into this... Oh well.

On a slightly related tangent, where are all those strangers who are supposed to be opening doors for me, or asking if I am okay carrying heavy bags, or giving me the prime seats on the shuttle? I thought pregnant women got perks! Either I don't look pregnant enough or I live around uncaring cretins! Darn my lengthy torso and it's vertical rather than horizontal girth! Just kidding, mostly. :) And to be fair, the girl at Pinkberry did give me an extra an stamp on my frequent buyer card "for the baby." That counts.

blogger, wtf

2011-05-13T21:38:00.002-06:00

I swear that I didn't mean to publish my last post, at least not without, oh, um, proof-reading it first. Blogger has been acting strange all day for me, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. And now I am so embarrassed. Thanks Blogger.

24 Weeks

2011-05-13T11:23:00.009-06:00

24 weeks has brought a little more realization that I am indeed carrying something in abdomen. It is getting a little more difficult bending down and I can't pop up out of my seat quite like I used too. And my feet have looked suspiciously swollen on two occasions in the past week. I'm still feeling great though, so no complaints. I feel the baby moving around all the time now and Rob loves to lay his ear up to my stomach to hear and feel all the little movements. On a couple occasions he has been able to tap on my abdomen in a certain spot and seconds later, a little kick. It may just be coincidence, but it feels like interaction and bonding to us. :)

I had my well check this Wednesday, which confirmed that the baby is absolutely fine after last week's accident. I was given my glucola for my next appointment, which means I am almost to the third trimester! Realizing how few weekends are left (and even fewer paychecks) is a really sobering and exciting realization. I'm feeling less than positive about the actual birth at this point, which is a disappointment. The doctor this week basically answered all of my questions about birth and labor the way I figured she would (do I have to have an IV? Yes. Can I birth in any position I want? Nope, you need to be the position most comfortable for the doctor), and we spent more time talking about her Audi than my labor options (Rob was wearing his work uniform). I have been reading Birth Matters, so I was pretty prepared for the average medical professional speech, but I've actually gotten angrier over the last few days. It is so disheartening that I feel like I have to approach my child's birth on the defense rather than in a supportive environment. I have been debating switching to a midwife, but there is only one that takes my insurance and delivers at the hospital closest to my house. I don't know if the rules are the same regardless of who delivers, so really my next step is to take the hospital tour and ask my questions again. I am trying to keep in mind that the hospital cannot tell me what to do really, and if I feel like birthing on all fours or standing up how are they going to stop me? Tie me down? Don't think so.

But feeling that way is already upsetting. I want to be calm, I want to be relaxed, and I want to be focused on my body. Not worried that I will have to put up a fight just to be treated decently. I read all of these accounts of home births or birth center births and even the worst story sounds so much better than some of the best hospital stories I have been told. But as I have mentioned before, Colorado is not midwife friendly and I do want to have a medical team nearby in case of an emergency, so I most likely will stay with my practice. Rob has promised to be my advocate and we have agreed that if this experience is not what we wanted, we will explore other options in the future. I just wished there were more options.

On to cuter news, here are a few shots of some things I have been working on for the baby. Hopefully we will be painting sometime in the next two weeks, so that will be nice to have out of the way. Rob and I both love the summer and want to get as much around the house stuff done before July 4 (Rob's birthday!) so that we can enjoy the last few months baby-free as much as possible.

Lately...

2011-05-13T10:41:00.009-06:00

Lately I have had a lot of things to say but little energy to follow through. And I am shocked, shocked, I tell you, that it is Friday already. I never even got to talk about last weekend, and here it is, another one. Oh well.

Last weekend I went to the Horseshoe Market and Craft Fair. I went with my mom and we were one of the first 50 people there, so we got a cute little tote bag filled with goodies. It was really warm that day, which was a nice break from the rainy weather we had been having (it snowed on Wednesday). We bought a few items and generally had a nice time. The only irritation of the day occurred when I was walking around with a plastic martini glass filled with juice (a bartending company had set up a Hawaiian "mocktail" tent and I had a strawberry/basil/balsamic thing), and some woman actually commented on it. She asked if I had "something good to drink." I laughed it off and said that it probably looked suspicious that I was walking around with a martini glass and a belly, but um, what if it was alcohol? What was she going to do? Judge me? Because, really, she already had... And by the way, this is at like 9:30 am. It was very annoying and so needless to say, I didn't buy anything from her.

div>Later that evening Rob and I went to see a roller derby bout with his cousin and his girlfriend, and that turned out to be pretty entertaining. Those girls are tough!

So here are my phone pics of last weekend. Totally out of any order because I hate blogger. It never works right at work. And to be fair, I probably should do this more from home but after 10 hours in front of a computer, good luck getting me back in front of one at night.

Stuff

2011-05-11T09:46:00.000-06:00

First of all, I would like to let everyone know about a giveaway at Life as Topher's Mama. I just made my first scentsy purchase last week, so I can attest to this stuff smelling very good.

Second, I am asking that you vote for my lovely friend Ellen in this contest. Clearly she is the most adorable in the competition!

In other news, I finished my last week of my photo class this week. It's bittersweet because although I resented like hell the long days while pregnant, it was a pretty fun class. My only complaint is that I wished I learned more. I feel like I went into the class with a style and a good eye, and my classmates tended to agree, but I wish I had pushed myself out of my comfort zone more. I created a book for my final project (Vintage Automobilia) and my teacher suggested that I continue to add my hot rod photographs to the book throughout the summer so that I have a comprehensive collection. I think I will, and I will eventually post the link for my book here. Next I am taking a computer graphics class so that I can learn to master Photoshop. Unfortunately I will have to take a break this fall because I'm guessing homework and newborns don't work so well together, but I will enjoy the break from the real world for a few months! I am so, so excited for maternity leave.

And speaking of the baby, I have my 24 week appointment this afternoon. I also have some pictures of growing bump that I need to post. I'm also moving along on some crafts and the nursery design, so I want to write a little about that this week. I bought a repro of the print below and am so excited to see how it all comes together.

Two completey unrelated thoughts that I somehow felt deserved documentation

2011-05-05T08:41:00.005-06:00

On my happiest, most carefree days, my anxiety level is about a 6 out of a 10. So on the average day I am usually an 8. I have a really good poker face when it comes to this sort of thing. It's an unintentional but natural skill after years of fighting back panic attacks and nervous tears. Of course I have learned to deal with my anxiety several pleasant ways. Obsessive negative thoughts about my weight is one way I have gone in the past, although these days it's more of just annoying self-depreciating comments in front of Rob so he can exasperatedly refute my claims and calm my nerves. Another big one is just to store all the nervous energy in my muscles. Lately I have woken up so sore for no reason other than I am tense all night long. I drift off to sleep grinding my teeth, and wake up feeling like I have been in a bar fight. I think I am starting to realize that denial, while very powerful indeed, is not exactly the same as a release. So no more excuses, I need to get on an exercise plan, and quickly. I always feel better and more relaxed after physical activity. I don't want this situation to get any worse and I fear the hormones coming my way. Although I do need to say that I think I have been pretty rational up until this point. Only a few hormonal outbursts. :) Seriously. People doubted me, but I'm being a totally chill pregnant lady.

And on to a completely different topic... Rob has been cooking dinner once a week (he never cooked until I starting making him) and it has been really good. So I need to acknowledge that. So far he has made kabobs and rice; hamburgers with fried eggs on top; chicken, roasted fingerling potatoes, and steamed artichokes; and spaghetti with his own sauce. I have been in the kitchen with him the whole time for support and questions, but I have let him do all of the menu planning, flavoring, and work, and I think that we are both happy with how naturally it is coming to him. He loves to point out how great of a husband he is, and I can't deny that. In fact last night, while his sauce was simmering, he was helping me pick out maternity clothes online. All after an extremely long day at work. So yay Rob!

Bad, bad morning

2011-05-03T12:14:00.002-06:00

So I wanted to write about my little 1950's house and the drama it put us through this weekend, but instead I am going to complain about my morning... I have the day off and had several errands to run including getting our Tacoma an emmision test so that I could renew our tags, which expired in March. Rob was going to get the test taken care of but never got around to it so here we are, three days past our grace period. I also needed to drop off Rob's (brand new) glasses for repair because last week a screw driver popped up while he was doing something at work and scratched the lens. Thankfully he was wearing them, since otherwise it would have been his eye, although safety glasses would have solved that problem. And then I had some fun phone calls planned, including one to figure out why my medical insurance company didn't consider my 20 week anatomy scan ultrasound "medically necessary." And so denied the claim to the tune of $600. But first I thought I would read a few blogs, catch up on email, etc. A little after 9 am, I heard a pop and the next thing I knew, the power was out. I tried calling Rob to see what I should do, wait it out or call the power company. Since I couldn't get ahold of him I decided to just run the errands and deal with the power the later. I realized that I couldn't find the renewal paper work so elected to drop off the glasses first, and I off I went.

Then I got in my first ever car accident. At 5 months pregnant. So that was fun. Not my fault, but I didn't know what to do so we didn't call the police, I have no witnesses, and of course, my registration is out of date. And I still couldn't get a hold of Rob. It was a pretty clear cut case of a Hummer trying to change lanes without checking to see if someone else was there first, so really no way it could be my fault, but I am pissed that no one else saw it. The guy was nice enough and thankfully I wasn't hurt (neither was he, but he was in a Hummer and I was in a tiny truck that sits lower to the ground than the average car does so I wasn't worried about him). He basically side-swiped my drivers side causing a fair amount of body damage. But at least the car is drivable and I (and the baby) are fine. Now I just have to add an accident report and a car insurance claim to my oh-so-fun afternoon docket. Yay.

Week 23

2011-05-03T08:50:00.004-06:00

I'm starting to look pregnant to the outside world! At least when I'm wearing something semi-tight. Here are some photos that Rob took right before we went out to a show (Three Bad Jacks) last Friday.

This past week was the first time I was sure I felt the baby moving, and it really is an amazing feeling. I wasn't worried that it took so long since the doctor told me I had an anterior placenta, but now that I can feel the baby every day, I feel so relieved. Friday night the baby was going crazy and Rob was actually able to feel a little kick! It was very lucky timing since the baby is still pretty small (well, if you can call nearly a foot long and nearly a pound in weight small), and it was awesome to see how excited Rob was to have felt it.

I've been focusing on eating different flavors (since the baby can taste via amniotic fluid), listening to music (since the baby can hear), and dancing around (the baby's sense of motion should be developed by now). I still can't wrap my head around how amazing pregnancy is. I've said it before, and I will say it again. It seems so normal until it happens to you, then it becomes insanely miraculous. Not a day goes by that I don't remind myself that there is indeed another human being inside of me.

And on a completely unrelated note, I wanted to share this song: El Camino Real by Lee Dresser. It is one of my (and Rob's) favorite. We heard the song for the first time at VLV last year and after several hours of research were able to track down the name and artist, and even found the record on Ebay! Our record player broke during a tragic credenza moving accident and we haven't had the chance to fix it yet, so I've been going through record withdrawls. So let's just enjoy the YouTube version....

Random Thoughts

2011-04-28T11:07:00.002-06:00

I used to think I had a disorder where a compulsion to write things down over took my life. I carry several note books with me and have random lists and paragraphs and snippets strewn across everything I own. I have half started blog entries and word documents galore. I'm so worried about forgetting. So in an effort to combat that, I am just going to list some stuff here when then the mood strikes. Even if it is in the middle of writing a work-related communication for my out-of-commission boss (broken wrist). So, anchors away:

No stretch marks, but I do have a very faint linea nigra. It's exciting for some reason.

We bought plane tickets to Minnesota in June. That will be fun as long as I get to go swimming and buy delicious treats at Trader Joes. Yes, I will admit that I make it a point to visit one every freaking chance I get. Vegas, Disneyland, every where I can.

I long ago gave up the idea of completing a degree and have amassed a ridiculous amount of credits from various schools and various disciplines. I should graduate. I really should, but I just don't care to. I'm still taking classes mind you, I just don't care to wrap it up according to some bullshit plan. What is wrong with me.

I'm taking photography classes now. Next I think I may add a writing class into the mix. I like writing, but I don't have the patience to really love it. I much prefer editing. Not that you could tell either about me from this blog. That is because I have no patience to read what I have written. It's like how most people hate to hear their own voice. I hate that in both the aural and written capacities. Which is also why my blog is boring. I have shit to say, I just hate worrying about how to say and who to say it to. Hence all my half abandoned essays.

I saw a quote the other day, something to the effect that one day I will publish a book of all the photos I didn't take, and it will be a smash hit. Life is funny like that.

Names are becoming an issue. Our last name is really messing this up. Every name I always thought I would like for a child sound wrong, wrong, wrong paired with Organ. Rex Organ? Cash Organ? Violette or Olive, or any other cute name that happens to be an adjective or noun is out. And I seem to be drawn toward names that end in a "n" sound like June, Rowan, and Reagan which sound bad with a last name that also ends that way. So Rob and I have found a girl's name we like (and a few back ups that we are "meh" about) but it is a little sad that no one seems to like them that much. Not that anyone else's opinion really matters, but what if the little baby happens to agree that we suck at picking names? Just because I see a name as cute and quirky doesn't mean my baby won't think that it is stodgy or dumb or a number of things. It's a big decision for sure.

Easter 2011

2011-04-26T09:01:00.017-06:00

Easter weekend was fun, despite being cold and gloomy. On Saturday Rob and I grabbed breakfast in Denver (one of our favorite weekend rituals that we know will most likely end in a few months) and he showed me his new shop. That afternoon I helped my mom cook for the following day, and that evening I got it in my head that I wanted to see Water for Elephants so I spent about 6 hours reading the entire book (which I loved).

Sunday we ate and it was delicious as expected. After my parents' house, Rob and I saw Water for Elephants and despite the fact that the book is a million times better, I enjoyed the movie. Rob liked it too, which is not surprising given his love for period movies. He loves The Notebook too. True Story.

Here are some pictures from this weekend.

A few shots of me at 22 weeks. Rob has been taking these photos every weekend and this week is my favorite so far. I am definitely getting a bigger belly by the day, and yay! hips and face to go with it. ;)

The food we made and ate:

Pizza piena- pizza-type dough with provolone, basket cheese, prosciutto, capicola, eggs, and locatelli.

Pizza dolce - a ricotta/lemon/lime cheesecake type pie. And the lard was actually for the pizza piena, not the pie.

These are truly some of my all-time favorite foods ever. Last meal worthy for sure.

And of course, the family.

Good weekend all around.

ABCs

2011-04-21T11:21:00.006-06:00

Everyone else is the whole world is a VLV14 (maybe a slight exaggeration...maybe), and I'm not. But that's okay because I am not going to think about the extra double bed in Jorge and Ellen's hotel room or how much I wish I was there sleeping in it.

Oh, and I am starting to feel pregnant. Like the whole, my stomach is kind of in the way and making my back hurt. I'm not going to start complaining yet though, since I'm sure this is nothing compared to what's to come.

Also, another sign that I am really pregnant. I feel like crying because my baby will grow up too fast and I'm only 21 weeks pregnant. So not rational.

So instead of complaining, I am going to bring you the ABCs of me. I have seen this on three blogs (Gin, Kyle, Gingerbread Bagels) in the past week, so I thought I would join in the fun.

A. Age: 26

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore that you hate: Putting away laundry. Not actually doing laundry, just putting the clean clothes away. I attribute that to our tiny closet that makes me want to cry every time I open the door.

D. Dogs: Benny (6.5 years, pit bull mix) and Czara (3 yrs, boxer/lab)

E. Essential start to your day: I suck at starting days. Usually Rob has to bribe, yell, or physically remove me from the bed. Once awake, it is any one's guess as to which parts of a typical morning routine will actually get accomplished. It's all about sacrifices. Some days it's a shower, some days it's breakfast, some days it's leaving the house with my cell phone.

F. Favorite color: I like certain colors for certain things. Red lipstick, black eyeliner, etc. I end up going towards green a lot, so will go with that for now.

G. Gold or Silver: Either. Both.

H. Height: 5'6.75" That last 1/4 inch missing counts since my sister is 5'7" and my brother is nearly 5'10" and still growing. That little 1/4 inch is what keeps me smaller than my two very younger siblings! Not unusual but still annoying.

I. Instruments you play: none.

J. Job title: HRIS Specialist. It's thrilling, really.

K. Kids: I'm currently a pregosaurus.

L. Live: about 4 miles NW of Denver.

M. Mother's name: Annamarie. Most of her family just calls her Anna, which is a palindrome, which is fancy. kinda.

N. Nicknames: My brother and a few other family members call me Nicky, that's about it.

O. Overnight hospital stays: None that I can remember, at least not for myself.

P. Pet peeve: Pretentiousness.

Q. Quote from a movie: "Orphans have special needs!" And if you don't know what movie that is, you should brush up on your John Waters movies.

R. Right or left handed: Right, although my abilities are generally stronger on my left side. That goes back a theory I have about my corpus callosum, but no need to get into that here.

S. Siblings: Teresa, 20.5 yrs and Daniel, almost 17.

T. Time you wake up: 6 or 6:30 for work, after a long and arduous struggle. If I am not working I can very rarely sleep past 8:30. I guess I have a very specific internal clock.

U. Underwear: Usually ;)

V. Vegetable you hate: I love a lot of veggies, but I cannot get into brussel sprouts. Not for love or money.

W. What makes you run late: Thinking that I can do 17 last-minute things on my way out the door, plus the inability to accurately estimate how long travel actually takes. A deadly combination, but I come by it honestly. Hi Grandma, hi Mom!

X. X-Rays you've had: Dental, and when I broke my elbows. That was probably the worst pain in my life, thus far. It required my mom holding me down while the X-ray tech rotated my broken arm from palm down to palm up. I was 19 at the time, mind you. And yes, I said elbows.

Y. Yummy food that you make: I cook and bake regularly and consider myself pretty decent. I don't really have a "specialty," although I can make a mean soup out of almost anything.

Z. Zoo animal: Giraffes, sea lions, and penguins. I like to have the entire globe covered.

Random Thoughts

2011-04-19T09:05:00.002-06:00

Last week's ultrasound confirmed that the baby is swallowing amniotic fluid and therefore should be able to taste what I am eating. Since I really want an adventurous eater, I am now trying extra hard to eat a varied diet. Rob and I enjoy a lot of different food, so this is the perfect excuse to, for example, hit up the Indian buffet as often as possible.
Rob and I can't decide if we should just roll with the inconclusive results, or if we should schedule another ultrasound. It won't matter one way or the other in the end, and it would probably cost me more money to know since I would be compelled to buy an entire wardrobe immediately after finding out. A lot of people recommended 3D ultrasounds, which look kinda cool and are pretty affordable, but then again that money might be better put toward newborn pictures. We are leaning towards just not quite knowing, although we both think girl.
1 day into Rob abandoning me (aka switching jobs), I really hate the shuttle situation at my work. It is such a waste of time.
It's almost Easter. Which means it is almost time for the most delicious day of the year. Once a year, on Easter, my mother carries on the generations old tradition of making pizza piena and pizza dolce. Of course those are just generic recipe names (stuffed bread and sweet bread), and every Italian family has their own version, but my family looks forward to ours every year. It is an overdose of cheese, meat, and eggs, all wrapped up in tasty pizza dough, although not the type of pizza dough you are thinking of. My mom is forcing me (a pregnant woman, how dare she!) to help cook it this year, so that I can be the one talked into doing it in the future (it is a time consuming process with lots of imprecise measurements).

And that is it for now. Today is day off and I have lots of things to put off doing. :)

The end of an era

2011-04-14T10:58:00.002-06:00

Today marks a sad day: the end of my carpool with Rob. Up until this week, Rob worked at a large Toyota Dealorship that was about half a mile from NREL. But he is leaving the cut throat dealorship world for greener pastures (literally!). And while I think this new will be awesome on so many reasons, I am going to really miss driving to and from work with him, and I will especially miss meeting him for lunch. He was the only thing that kept sane so many days, and the chance to escape my semi-cubicle for an hour was a welcome respite. Since the parking for NREL is a mile away from the building (seriously, we have to shuttle in) this will probably be the end to me leaving for lunch, period. But on the other hand, I am so proud and happy that he will be working in a more positive and friendly environment, and he will able to put his skills toward a progressive company rather than line the pockets of already-rich-enough jerks (automotive techs really don't get enough recognition in the industry, either metaphorically or through compensation). It will be a great opportunity for him to get into a company on the ground floor, and all indications point to the Green Garage really taking off big time. So anyway, sad for me, happy for my awesome husband.

Anticipation

2011-04-13T20:06:00.006-06:00

We had our ultrasound today and the good news is that the baby appears to be healthy. It was a little stressful getting to that point because this morning, after leaving my cell at my desk during a meeting, I noticed that my Dr's office called and left a vague voice mail in reference to my afternoon appointment. After a few phone calls and some investigation, it turned out that the reception had only scheduled me for a Dr's visit and not the ultrasound we expected. Rob and I were both able to leave work right away to make a last minute ultrasound appointment though, so we luckily didn't have to reschedule.

The bad news (okay, so it's not really bad news, just more non-news) is that the baby was too stubborn to show us the goods. The technician said that she can usually tell the sex a few seconds into the ultrasound, but our little baby just wouldn't cooperate. Rob was on the fence about finding out at all, so he requested that if she was not sure, just to not tell us at all. The tech's first impression was girl, but after two different types of ultrasounds, she still was not 100% sure and didn't commit one way or the other. And she probably spent a good 10 minutes on trying to determine the sex alone. She did her best to wake up the baby by jabbing on my stomach (pretty hard, actually), pushing on the opposite side of my uterus, really anything she could think of to encourage the baby to move. All to no avail. This of course delighted Rob, but actually kind of upset me. Not that I care about having a boy vs a girl, I just really wanted to know. Most of our family and friends thought girl even before today, and I'm still leaning that way, but not enough to buy any of those cute dresses that I planned on buying.

The rest of the day and the appointment felt sort of anticlimactic. That has now morphed into a really sad mood. Part of it is the realization that which ever sex the baby is, at some point I will (briefly) mourn what it is not. I was talking to Kyle and she said it perfectly... up until we know what the baby's sex will be, we are considering a life with both a little boy and a little girl. Once we find out, one of those goes out the window. And I have fallen in love with both ideas. I think not really knowing but facing the fact that it is one or the other sex has just left me emotional. An hour ago I broke the carafe for our new espresso machine and had a melt down. Rob did his best to reassure me that in the scheme of things, finding a replacement part to a $40 coffee machine was not worth shedding tears over, but since he was on his way out for the night, I am stilling feeling really out of sorts. Sad, insecure, and anxious, actually. I hate feeling this way and so I do best not to give in when I feel a mood like this coming on, but it just didn't work tonight.

So I am going to take a bath, do some eBay shopping, and stare at my baby's pictures and hopefully wake up happier tomorrow. I do have to say that it felt so good to see that little baby on the screen. I was crying, just so happy. At the time, the sex was the least important thing to me. I was just amazed that I could see my baby's heart, brain, spine. And my baby's cute little profile, that was really the best part. I'm lucky that my baby is healthy and beautiful and I am going to focus on that tonight.

Doggy loving helps too.

Nerd humor

2011-04-13T08:15:00.001-06:00

This comic strip is hilarious, especially the one from today. Sustainability is harsh, man. And I am dead serious.

Birthday Weekend

2011-04-11T07:46:00.008-06:00

On Saturday I turned 26. I have a hard time with birthdays, I don't know why. I tend to get emotional and reflective. This birthday was actually easier than some in the past, with only one minor emotional outburst that I attribute to being overtired.

Anyway, since I was lucky enough to have my birthday fall on a Saturday, I basically stretched my day into a weekend. And with that came the opportunity for me to eat four different birthday desserts in 3 days. I am a lucky pregnant lady.

Friday afternoon my boss had a little cake celebration for all of us in the department who had March/April birthdays. He and I actually share April 9 as our birthday. Cake #1 was German Chocolate.

Friday night Rob and I headed over to his parents' house for a nice dinner and some lemon cake. I love lemon cake. His parents also gave me a spa gift certificate, which is unbelievably thoughtful. Spa day are the kind of thing I think about often, but very rarely actually do.

Saturday morning Rob gave me the gifts he had picked out for me, including some awesome sun glasses, Lungs, a white noise machine stuffed animal for the little buddy, and my weight in Easter candy. He also gave the promise that I can buy the diaper bag I have wanted since before I found out I was pregnant.

We braved the hour wait at Snooze and had a delicious brunch, then we met my family at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science for The Real Pirates Exhibit. I love pirates and it was a very neat opportunity to look at artifacts that "real" pirate owned and used nearly 300 years ago. The crowd was large and rude, as to be expected, but overall it was a really good time.

We stopped at Steve's Snapping Dogs for dinner, then headed over to my parents for Red Velvet Cake and wii. My family got me some awesome gifts, including a web cab (mostly so I can show off the baby), some giraffe-themed baby items (entirely for the baby), and even a few things for me. ;) I really needed a bundt cake pan (well, as much as a person can need one), and my brother always find the most creative and random gifts. This time it was a cute decorative washboard and some vintage comic books.

Sunday was more low-key, with us taking the dogs on their weekly adventure (we like to take the dogs out on the town on Sunday mornings when we can), then going home and napping. My best friend Kyle and two of her brothers stopped by for a while, bearing cake batter pie (delicious) and some sweet gifts.

Oh, I even won a giveaway this weekend! Thanks Windshield Diaries and Shabby Apple!

Needless to say, it was quite the enjoyable weekend. Even with my midnight tears on Saturday, a dog vomit episode, and the mysterious case toilet overflow.

Oh and I also passed the 20 week mark - my pregnancy is now officially in the second half. And of course the best birthday present yet is still to come... We get another ultrasound this coming Wednesday.

Automobilia

2011-04-07T08:44:00.007-06:00

Rob worked on the engine of the '53 this weekend, and of course I was there to document his progress. Below is one shot of the '63 and a few from the '53.

Giveaway at Life As Topher's Mom

2011-04-07T07:15:00.001-06:00

Check out this cute giveaway at Life As Topher's Mom...

Baby Update

2011-04-05T08:34:00.005-06:00

I am now nearing the end of my 19th week of pregnancy, which means that I'm just about half way done. It has been pretty easy so far (minus headaches and a little sciatica), and I really hope I'm not jinxing myself by saying that. I don't know how much weight I've gained (I haven't looked at my weight in almost 10 years), but I am pretty comfortable with it so far. My "bump" is still on the smaller side which has helped me stay mostly in my regular clothes (aside from pants) and while I no longer sleep completely on my stomach, I'm still small enough that I can sleep at an angle between my stomach and my side. Here are some photos from 3/26/11 and 4/3/11. As you can see, I really expanded between week 18 and 19!

I feel like I am on a decent course which makes me happy since I have been a bit more lax in my eating habits. The only place where the gain in really noticeable besides my stomach is my sides. Which I'm not exactly pleased with, but it's all the name of a good cause. See me trying to hide that in the photo above? :)

We watched The Business of Being Born last weekend and decided that we have some more research to do on the birthing process. I do like the practice that I go to now, but it still isn't ideal. They have 5 doctors on staff and at this point, I think I have met with them all. They are all basically nice and down to earth, which makes them interchangeable. The hospital the practice is associated with has a brand new birthing wing and it looks pretty nice. I still have my reservations though. I mentioned to one of the doctors that I was hoping for an unmedicated birth, and her response was for me "to keep an open mind" because I had never experienced the pain of labor. I don't doubt that it will be terrible pain, but I'm pretty disheartened that my doctor is already suggesting that my body may not be able to handle what it was designed to do. Unfortunately, Colorado is not the most midwife-friendly place to live. There is only one free standing birthing center in the state, and of course it is not in-network for my insurance. That means that I could switch to a midwife, but would still be at the mercy of hospital rules and regulations. So we are considering our options at this point. Rob has promised to be a strong advocate for me, which is great because I tend to shy away from confrontation, especially with authority figures. So we need to figure out what exactly our rights are, etc. Not that I would ever do something to jeopardize my baby, but I am suspicious about how information is presented. It seems like doctors may occasionally recommend something out of convenience and dress it up as necessity. I really want my baby and my body to be in charge. And now back to the positives. By this time next week, we should know if it's a boy or a girl. We are so excited to have a chance to look at our baby again so I'm sure this week will drag on. I may get lucky, though, since this weekend is my birthday and being the spoiled kid I am, all weekend long is dedicated to me! I get a little anxiety before a doctor's appointment, especially because everything seems too good to be true. Just the other day Rob said that this pregnancy made him think that maybe not everything in life has to be a struggle (okay, so we know we are super privileged middle-class Americans but struggles are all relative). I hope that is the case.

Weekend in Pictures and Words

2011-04-04T07:32:00.016-06:00

Colorado did what it does best this weekend - gave us sun and record highs on Saturday, then snowed on Sunday. Of course Rob had to work all day on Saturday, but once he got home we were still able to enjoy a few hours of sunlight and warmth. We drove down to the Highlands, a neighborhood in NW Denver.

Saturday night we went home and intended to play some Wii but instead we got sucked into HGTV. Rob too, it's one of his favorite channels. Than on Sunday it was wet and cold but Rob managed to spend several hours in the garage with our '53. Here are some cell phone pictures from Saturday.

More Randomness

2011-03-28T07:13:00.003-06:00

I am a bad blogger. I just don't feel like I have anything of interest to write these days. But then again, most of my favorite blogs aren't really about much either, so who cares?

I am taking a digital photography class and my theme for the next 5 weeks (from which my final project will be compiled) is hot rods and hot rod parts. Totally appropriate, as some of my favorite photos of mine are from car shows. Totally not appropriate for March/April/May in Colorado.

The only really bad pregnancy symptom that I have experienced so far is headaches. I brought it up at every doctors appointment so far and have been given the following suggestions: drink more water, eat more regularly, eat less refined sugar, and finally, nothing can be done, it goes with the territory. Finally at my last appointment, the doctor told me to start drinking more coffee. I was a coffee drinker before I got pregnant, and while I didn't cut it out completely, I didn't have it daily, either. Now I am back at a cup of day and my headaches have been less often. So, yay coffee.

Rob and I stopped at Starbucks this morning (I waited in the car), and he bought me a whoopie pie. He said it looked like an American macaron and instantly I was in a good mood. He clearly remembered Autumn '09, when we scoured all of Denver looking for the real deal, which we never did find. Plus, it was red velvet, which is (as silly as this sounds), "our" dessert. Maybe not the most nutritionally sound way to start the day, but some days awesome is more important than nutrition.

As I was writing this, I realized that I forgot to put on deodorant this morning in my mad rush to get out the door. Luckily I keep a travel size deodorant at work for such occasions.

We have colors and a loose theme picked out for the baby's room. We want it to be modern and comfortable, but not overly girly nor too boyish - no sports themes or giant butterfly murals. So we are painting the walls gray, leaving our trim white, and then integrating yellow and blue for the accent colors. Yes, gray and yellow has been featured on an awful lot of nurseries over the past year or two, but I still really like it. We will use more navy blue if it is a boy, and more aqua if it is a girl. It may sound odd, but I have pulled fabrics and rugs, etc. and it all looks good together so far.

I looked around on Etsy for a mobile and I decided that everything that I could afford (meaning under $50), I could easily make. So that is my project for the week. If it turns out well, I will share. If it sucks, this is the last you will ever hear of it.

My other project for the week is finishing up my "slice of Denver" post for Sometimes Sweet. Which I offered to do, oh, 6 months ago, and never got around to doing.

I still don't look discernably pregnant at 18 weeks. I mean, I can tell, and Rob can tell, but I don't think someone who didn't see me naked all the time could. Which is sad because I have definitely gained a little weight (don't know how much, I haven't looked at a scale in 10 years... even at the doctors I ask close my eyes and ask them not to say the number out loud), and I'm out of my regular size jeans (2/4). Oh well, I guess I won't be one of those women who only gains a belly. And being pregnant hasn't made me any less obsessed with my size, although now I don't have any negative feelings about what I see. I still can't stop scrutinizing my body inthe mirror multiple times a day - I guess old habits die hard. I just can't wait to see the baby and feel the baby, so that it all becomes a little more real.

And my final random thought, my grandma is on Facebook. I never thought I'd see the day, but one of my uncles set her up. I hope she actually uses her account. On my mom's side of the family, all of my uncles, aunts, and cousins have accounts, although not all of them use their accounts consistantly.

Checking In.

2011-03-18T07:52:00.002-06:00

I hope everyone had a fantastic St. Patrick's Day. I am not the sort to go out on big drinking holidays (even before I was pregnant) so last night was low-key. Rob and I (along with my mother and her co-worker) volunteered serving dinner at a local women's homeless shelter. It was a really good experience. Only 2 hours of our time and everyone was very polite and appreciative.

My work has been crazy for the last few weeks. I feel so far behind and out of it, I am just waiting to get back to a comfortable feeling place. It takes a lot out of me and I really wish it didn't. I am so ready for the weekend.

And in other news, Rob and I have scheduled our 20 week appointment (the one with ultrasound!). If the baby is cooperating that day, we will know on April 13th if we have a son or a daughter. I have been having such a symptom-free pregnancy (minus some fatigue and sciatica) that it still doesn't feel real. This week we started to clean up our spare bedroom so that we can begin the transformation to nursery. That is pretty exciting. I have a basic color scheme in mind (slightly different accent colors for boy vs girl), and we would like to get the room painted in the next month so we can spend the rest of the pregnancy slowly putting it all together.

I feel like I should start doing more to document this time. For example, last week Rob and I went to a little in-store concert (Slim Cessna's Auto Club, our favorite Denver band), and I thought that it would be a good idea to document all the little things that I did while I was pregnant. Sort of a baby's first concert moment (although I think that was actually the 2nd or 3rd band we've seen play since I found out). And now that there is a good chance that the baby can hear our voices, Rob has started talking to him/her. I want to get it on video because it is adorable.

Okay, end to my randomness. My brain is fried this week.

On Getting Old

2011-03-10T12:21:00.002-07:00

In exactly one month, I will officially be closer to 30 than 20. The big 2-6. Which I know isn't exactly old, but it is in many ways much older than I feel. It is amazing how our inner dialogues don't seem to age like the rest of us.

I had the day off of work and it is actually very pleasant today, so I was in a very good mood as I left my house to run some errands. One of the items on my agenda was to pick up some dry cleaning and as the cleaners is located a stone's throw from my high school, I decided that I should drive past the school for old time's sake.

It is amazing what can change in the course of 8 years. The high school is still on the same lot, but the position and the structure are completely different from when I went there. They started to rebuild when I was sophomore or junior, but it wasn't until several years after I had graduated that it was completed. Driving past Arvada West, but a very different Arvada West is when it really hit me that this aging thing just isn't going to stop. The cd I was listening to was Punk-O-Rama 9, a cd that I consider one of my "newer" punk albums. Then I realized that I owned that particular cd since it came out in 2004.

For a moment I was a little sad and nostalgic for the "old" days, back when I thought I had it all figured out the whole world. And nothing seemed so important as going to concerts and hanging out with friends. Don't get me wrong, I was always a pretty responsible kid with a job and good grades, but back then I still had plenty of carefree days.

Now I am a married home-owner with a baby on the way. I work in human resources for a national laboratory. Such a different life than I ever thought I would have! But I am very lucky to have this life, to have an amazing husband and a good job in this economy. And I certainly don't feel like my life is over; far from it. But I do have to come to terms with the fact that my youth is no longer "stretched before me." I have traded limitless possibilities for a husband and a home and a child. I have made choices and have grown up just a little bit and while I am happy with my decisions, it is still a bit of a harsh reality. No denying that you are getting old when "young Hollywood" is several years younger than you (I am looking at you, Zac Efron).

Tuesday Morning

2011-03-08T07:48:00.007-07:00

This is what my morning looked like:

I get to work around 7, usually one of, if not the first. Here is my glorious cubicle.

See, no walls.

Breakfast

I painted my nails pink for once (OPI ElePhantastic Pink). Sunday night, not at work.

View from the windows at work.

Exciting morning, no?

The Greenest Office Building, like ever

2011-03-02T14:08:00.002-07:00

My prison, uh, rather my office building, was featured in the Wall Street Journal yesterday. Just so you all know, it's not as glamorous as you may think, working in renewable energy. Someday you just want cubicle walls. And a space heater. And something to block the glare. And perhaps a parking lot that doesn't require a .8 mile shuttle ride. But I digress.

I don't mean to be negative because there is some really amazing technology that is being used but for an anti-social, chronically-cold person who wants to be on my way home EXACTLY at 5, not 5:22 after a nice leisurely shuttle ride, there are drawbacks to being environmentally-conscious.

Still very cool that we were in WSJ. It really would be nice to see other business embrace some of this technology/attitude because it really wasn't a huge adjustment, and my understanding is that it wasn't a huge cost either (compared to traditional new construction, that is). Obviously, like the article states, this building can't be reproduced in every climate, but there are bits and pieces that can be adapted almost anywhere.

Plus 50 years from now, I will totally look like I was a self-sacrificing pioneer for renewable energy's sake.

On a totally unrelated note, there is a camera crew here right now. I want to stare but they are panning all over the place. Right now! I need to know why!

Benny is really more of a cat person

2011-03-01T12:22:00.004-07:00

You know how people describe themselves or others as "cat people," or "dog people?" Rob and I have decided that Benny is just more of a cat person. He is stubborn and independent, likes sitting on high perches, especially in the sun, and generally has a "I'm too good for the floor." Literally.
He claimed our picnic bench as high throne last summer, but in the past few weeks, I had noticed that he had taken to standing with his hind legs on the bench and his front on the grill. In retrospect I realize that he was just making sure that the grill could support his weight, so at least mama raised a thinker. Saturday morning he decided to make his move. And behold, he accomplished his life long dream of being higher up than all the other dogs in the neighborhood. This truly was his defining moment, the apex of his existence. And best yet, there was no way that Czara would be able to fit up there with him.

Rob too was very impressed, although he did mention something about Benny ending up in the pound if he happened to break this very nice and expensive wedding present of ours. So I threatened Benny with his mortal enemy, water, and he acquiesed to his previous sitting place, the boring old picnic bench (it has a cover on it when not being used for now hopefully obvious reasons).

Still probably not going to VLV14

2011-03-01T12:08:00.009-07:00

I'm in a digital photography class and I am starting to realize that creativity does not ooze well on demand. I usually have no problem taking tons of photos, but I have been having a hard time completing my assignments to my satisfaction. Last week our assignment was too create a photo essay about ourselves. My topic was "Why I am not going to VLV14." Just kidding, it was about the number one topic at my house these days.

That clothespin says love on it. My home computer settings read this photo as much lighter. It is the 8 week ultrasound pics. Only another 6 weeks to go until we get to see our baby again.

Me at 13.5 weeks. As I expressed to my class, while looking at my body in the mirror multiple times a day is nothing new to me, it is the first time in the decade that I don't feel disgusted or critical of what I see. Rob is a good model in the sense that he puts up with me telling him how horrible of a model he is.

Sophie, the first purchase we made for our baby.

Again, home computer read much lighter. We are slightly worried at what impact bringing home a baby will have on the dogs, especially my little baby Czara. Probably not a good sign that she has started growling at children on tv, although she is nothing but tolerant at kids in real life.

No more beer for me :(

Shopping and Pregnancy

2011-02-21T09:04:00.004-07:00

I really dislike about half of my wardrobe. And I know that I have no one to blame but myself, but it is a result of the following combination: Having a crappy cubicle-type (no actual cubicles since we are a renewable energy company) that means that no one important really sees me yet I can't wear what I want either, having a hard time finding clothes that fit my thin-ish yet curvy and long-torso body, and simply finding clothes that I like in my price range. My husband constantly gives me the go-ahead to spend as much as I need to find things, but that is my problem - finding them. So of course now that I am in early pregnancy limbo, I am finding tons of cute clothes that I think would work well on me.

I tend to lean towards vintage-inspired clothing (I say inspired because I have a devil of a time finding actual vintage that fits my body), especially the in rockabilly/mod/California casual vein. I am an equal opportunity shopper, shopping at thrift/vintage/eBay stores, Target and all the way up to more high end stores. Yesterday Rob and I stopped at the Park Meadows Mall on the way to his parents house and had the first "successful" trip to a mall in a long time. Well, so to speak, since I didn't buy anything. But I could have, and that my friends, is a success in my mind.

I saw some cute stuff at J Crew, Anthropologie, and Guess and unfortunately none of it seemed like a good idea to buy with an expanding waistline on the horizon. Managing my feelings about that is a whole separate issue, but I almost wish I would just hurry up and get big so I have an idea of what I will be able to wear over the next 6 months. Even though on one hand I have a feeling it will be torture to be pregnant during the Colorado summer, I am thinking that at least I will be able to wear a lot of sundresses and sandals and I can just skip the whole trying to find pants and shirts that fit thing.

This was one of my favorites at Anthro and the stretchy back panel and high waist (that is a high waist on me, trust me) almost convinced me (wishful thinking!) that I could pull it off pregnant (at least for a few more months). But then I realized that my pre-baby chest would probably be on the large size for that dress and pregnancy boobs would be down right scandalous. And I don't want to get too many cute (and fairly pricey) dresses in large sizes that won't work post baby. That is what Forever 21 is for, right? Oh well. Jeans, camis, and cardigans will have to continue to work for now.

Highs and Lows. More Highs. Higher highs, even.

2011-02-17T07:17:00.004-07:00

So the last prompt I needed to write about my highs and lows for the month. February is only half over, but I do my share of highs and lows. I will start with the lows so I can end on a happy note.

Lows:

1. It is only February (meaning Spring is no where close)
2. My insurance company is making my life difficult with their idea of "medically necessary" differing from my own ideas.
3. My laptop ran out of space thanks to my proclivity towards taking large quantities of really large file pictures, right when I really needed to upload another 450 pictures before a class.

So all in all, not a bad month so far.

And now moving on, my highs:

1. This past week has brought really nice weather, which has done tons for my mood.
2. I had a very nice Valentine's day (and at some point, although I no longer remember the exact day, marked 5 years that Rob and I have been together).
3. Last night we had a fun time re-connecting a couple that we have known for a long time but had sort of lost touch with (I met them 5 years ago, when Rob and I started dating. Rob has known Brenna his entire life and her boyfriend since they started dating, 8 years ago).
4. I had the chance to talk to Kyle for a few hours on Sunday. That and the nice weather made me think about the good old days, when we worked together at Sun and took frequent breaks to walk around the campus.
5. Rob and I heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time yesterday.

So okay, actually an awesome month. Now that I am almost officially out of the first trimester, Rob and I feel okay to start spreading the news: We are going to have a baby in a short 6 months!

We've known since before Christmas and have already had two ultrasounds, so even though I am not quite 13 weeks, we feel like it has already been forever. We keep thinking that at some point time is going to start moving ultra fast, but that hasn't happened yet.

I've been lucky, with minimal symptoms beyond some moodiness and fatigue. I haven't enjoyed food as much as I usually do, but I haven't had the nausea that a lot of women suffer through. Which for someone who has the levels of anxiety that I do, has actually been difficult at times. I ask Rob nearly everyday, "I don't feel pregnant, do you think everything is okay with the baby?" And he responds, "Don't worry, you are acting pregnant."

Yesterday served as more confirmation: My little baby has a healthy heartbeat and is doing just fine. My due date is August 29th, which is a few weeks after Rob and I celebrate 3 years of marriage. We are more excited and happy and in love than we ever really thought possible. Our families are both over the moon and this baby is coming at a time when a happy distraction is appreciated on both sides. We decided to tell our parents and siblings on Christmas, so we wrapped up a pair of infant socks and gave it to each set (separately) as just another gift. I can't even begin to describe the look on each of their faces as the reality of what they were looking at set in. Not only is it our first child, but this baby is the first of a new generation for both of our families. I am the oldest of 9 cousins, and Rob is the first out of his sister and cousins to be married and have a baby on the way, so this baby is highly anticipated.

So thanks for letting me share that. I don't plan on my pregnancy to be my whole life, but I do feel much more at ease now that I can share detail of my life with everyone at will.

Mortimer

2011-02-16T09:30:00.004-07:00

My Valentine's was less than romantic - I worked my normal 10 hour day and then went to a 3 hour class. That, plus some other things I have going on, means that I had approximately one hour of wakefullness by the time I got home. I had (in typical fashion) already given Rob his present (a bottle of Irish Whiskey) and wasn't expecting much, maybe some flowers.

Not that Rob doesn't give awesome gifts, because he does. Nearly all of my high-quality, expensive, or super girly possestions are a gift from Rob (Chanel #5, Trophy Queen, MAC, not to mention my Nikon D5000). But this year we knew that it was going to be low-key and low-expectations.

My sister and I carpool from school on Mondays and she came in for a few minutes after we got to my house. Rob watched intently as I walked into the kitchen and back into the living room (twice). I didn't see anything. No gift bags, no flowers, no card. I was slightly surprised, but no big deal. Finally my sister left and the first words out of Rob's mouth were "Did you see your present?"

Confused, I walked back into the kitchen, and this is what I saw: Mortimer the beta fish(I think he looks like a Morty. Don't know why).

Rob said that he almost bought parakeets, but decided that a fish might be more appropriate, given some upcoming changes. Plus, Czara always has a hungry look in her eyes when she sees birds... I guess that would be the bird-dog in her.

Rob had also planned to cook a nice dinner, but lost track of time so we ended up having sandwiches and cooked our Valentine's meal on Tuesday instead.

I love my little fishie. I think it was a very cute and unique V-Day gift, and I couldn't have been more happy.

Goals for the next month

2011-02-11T07:25:00.003-07:00

I am surely but slowly finishing up my 30 items, and the next one on the list is my goals for the next month. The main goal I have is to do what I always say I want to do. Simple, huh.

I really want to get in a better routine of working out because I have been so tired lately. One of the best ways for me to feel energized is to be active. Unfortunately between the weather and my extreme fatigue these past few weeks, it has been difficult.

I also want to get back in the habit of meal planning. I love to cook but lately I just haven't been feeling it. Food has lost its appeal and I aim to change that. My husband has been very good about this, not complaining while he makes his ramen for the third time in a week, but I know that we would both prefer to get back to eating regular meals.

Another goal is to move forward with a several business ideas that I have. First, Rob and I are trying to work out the details of a business with our good friends, Ellen and Jorge. I have a lot of faith in this and am excited to see where it could go. I also have dreams of an Etsy shop and maybe some vendor booths at some of the fairs this summer. I've talked to my friend Kyle and my mother about joining forces but now I really need to work hard to make it happen.

And last but not least, I need to figure out what to do with my unfinished back yard. This definitely needs to happen by March so that we are prepared to act before Colorado's other hellacious weather setting kicks in: extreme heat (accompanied by unrelenting sun). Which I love, but not for doing yard work.

My back yard is small and shouldn't be this big of a problem, but it is. No sprinklers and no desire to put them in when I am 87.9% sod would be a bad idea with the dogs anyway. About 50% of the yard is already rock, and I would like to avoid making it 100% rock. So what do we do? Our dogs can be a little... wild, so we have our grass and garden in the front. I see a lot of landscaping stalking in my future. :)

The good news is that today I am feeling inspired for the first time in a while. Maybe it is the promise of clear skies and highs in the 50s, or maybe it's me finally getting adjusted to some of the changes in my life, but either way, I am feeling pretty confident about acheiving these goals.

VLV Post

2011-02-10T10:16:00.004-07:00

I'm trying hard not to begrudge everyone else's excitement for VLV 14. You know, because I'm not going, so how dare anyone else be excited for it this year. The outrage!

I kid. Mostly.

I am not* going for a few reasons including the following: 1. A Minnesota trip in June, 2. A desperate need to finish the landscaping at my house, and 3. Rob and I both need to save our vacation for the most awesome thing ever, coming this August.

My friend Ellen was looking through some videos on youtube last night and came across one that included a shot of her and me, so I thought I would post it here as my own tribute to VLVs past. We are at 2:20, toward the end. This was not my most spectacular outfit of the event, but I wanted to spend most of the car show taking pictures, not being in them. Kind of strange to see since the angle doesn't include hardly any of my tattoos and I am not used to looking so...plain. Anyway, this quick video brought back memories of good friends and good times.

Oh, and of sunshine. I really miss that sort of thing...

*most likely not going. Never say never, although since the hotel is already sold out it is looking less and less likely.

Something I am missing

2011-02-08T10:24:00.002-07:00

Between the weather and boredom, I am currently missing California something fierce. My family, our friends, beaches, Disneyland... yeah, it's been 3 months since our last trip, time for another (I wish!).

Second to that, I am missing summer. I hate, hate, hate snow and this time of year is always rough on me. I love the summer, the fall, and by the time December rolls around I am ready for the novelty of a snowstorm or two. About half way through January I find myself in a horrible mood that doesn't usually abate until oh, June. Because it can snow in Colorado until oh, May.

Notice how I skipped spring. Coloradans claim to experience 4 seasons, but spring tends to be either an extension of winter or an early taste summer (usually both at once), so it doesn't count. Maybe I am being a little harsh, but it's hard to be optimistic when I'm staring out the window at blindingly white ice and snow and watching the temperature drop before my eyes.

Okay, that is enough complaining. Time to go to my happy place. :)

A problem that I have had

2011-02-08T10:08:00.002-07:00

I've been semi-avoiding the internet again, I suck. I have been sick, cold (Artic weather in Colorado, how nice), and just feeling blah lately. And between 10 hour days at work in front of a computer, a digital photography class and an online math class, a smart phone, a husband with a smart phone, and no desire to leave my house in the cold weather resulting in TV or internet browsing, I am so over technology (but not run-on sentences)! I would really love to have a big tropical drink on a warm beach somewhere, but that's not happening any time soon.

So back to my 30 days of prompts. I believe I left off at "A problem that you have had." Aside from my whining listed above, I've had other problems. I have the problem of being stuck in a job that I can't stand for medical insurance (because my husband works in a "high-risk" industry). I have the problem of insufficient blood circulation so that I am chronically cold and my body parts fall asleep every 20 minutes. I also have a problem with the fact that MTV remade Skins. WTF, the originally series was amazing. Why cheapen it with crappy actors and plot changes?

But perhaps the biggest problem I have is my problem with anxiety. The kind of generalized anxiety that at best is in the back of my mind at all times. A lot of people don't understand, including my husband. He tries to be supportive, but after a while hearing that I don't have any reason to worry stops being effective. I'm not really a fan of medication so that is not an option right now, and while exercise helps, it doesn't take these bad feelings away. I'm am just so tired of feeling consumed by worry. And I am happy. I genuinely like my life. But yet, the worries come.

My strategy lately has been to avoid stressors, but that isn't helpful when I feel stressed about bills, work, or school. It's not debilitating, I manage to get by, but I still wish I could just relax just a little more often.

The kind of person that I am attracted to

2011-02-01T07:45:00.003-07:00

I am assuming that attraction in this case is non-sexual. So that being said, I am attracted to people that have depth and integrity, that are forgiving and understanding and down to earth. I cannot stand people who are self-absorbed, judgmental, or elitist. I also try to avoid users and one-uppers. Or mean. Plainly put, mean people suck.

Day 24/25

2011-01-28T07:43:00.003-07:00

Here is a picture of a place I would like to visit (from Google Search).

Tha Amalfi Coast. My family is from a little mountain town east of Naples, so this really wouldn't be too far from that. Good food, great weather, and beautiful views. What more could you want?

And here is a photo that I took. I put up lots of pictures that I take, so this isn't exactly out of character for me. I wish it was July right now.

5 Famous Guys I find attractive

2011-01-26T18:07:00.008-07:00

First of all, I would like to say that I am sick. Again. I am so sick of being sick. Plus my blood pressure is high, which is new. I am pretty darn health-conscious so this is actually quite upsetting. Oh well, once I am back to 100% I am starting yoga. Fo' sho'.

Anyhoo, here are 5 guys I find attractive. (all photos found via Google)

1. James Dean. Love him! And I am lucky that my husband has the same James Dean-y vibe. One of his proudest moments was when our little 3-year old friend, Mila, pointed to the picture of James Dean hanging in our bathroom (photo from Giant - bathroom is cowboy themed), and said "That's Wob!"
2. Mike Ness.

3. Johnny Depp

4. Christian Bale

5.Errol Flynn

And I have to add that of course, I don't think any of these men hold a candle to my husband, who in all honestly is the best looking man I have ever laid eyes on.

Day 21: Something that I want to do before I die

2011-01-25T16:39:00.002-07:00

Go to Europe.

Ride the rides at the Stratosphere.

Be self-employed.

Have a baby.

Renew my vows.

Day 21: favorite show

2011-01-24T13:39:00.003-07:00

While I try not to watch much tv, I won't pretend that I don't. My favorite tv shows currently are: No Reservations, The Tudors, Modern Family, House Hunters (and HH International), Vanguard, and Infomania. I also like true crime shows (awful, I know, but it's my guilty pleasure) and decorating/travel/food shows. Rob and I love HBO/Showtime/AMC dramas, but we wait for them to be out on dvd and then watch from Netflix. Some favorites include True Blood (me, not Rob), Deadwood, Rescue Me, Mad Men, Weeds, Carnivale, and my all time favorite television show EVER: 6 Feet Under. Once we get through The Tudors, we are thinking about starting Dexter. And once the first season is on DVD, we are beyond excited to watch Boardwalk Empire.

Oh, and I saw a hilarious show about hipsters last night called Portlandia (IFC). Freaking hilarious, I highly recommend it.

So yeah, obviously I watch way too much TV. Of course, my excuse is that I actually concentrate on things better when the TV is on. :)

Unobserved

2011-01-23T16:16:00.002-07:00

I just got my copy of this limited edition book. My copy is 48 out of 1000. Very, very cool. If you like tattoo art and/or obscure holidays, I would definitely recommend you check this out.

Day 20: Education

2011-01-23T16:01:00.003-07:00

How important is education? Education is everything. But in saying that, I do not mean formal education. Of course that is important in it's own right, but what is even more key is fighting ignorance, especially in ourselves. I try to learn as much as I can about everything. I try to keep an open mind, and I try to see the lesson in everything. I don't have much respect for the school system these days, be it K-12 or college.* I feel that I received an adequate education, but I also know that I was identified as gifted and had extra direction, support, and freedom to pursue my education. I don't believe that to be the case for the majority of students. I don't even want to get started on these degree factories that we refer to as "higher educational institutes." Certainly there are some good school, classes, and professors, but I was severely let down when I started college. Take their money, move them out. And many of my fellow classmates were not prepared at a high school level and yet managed to obtain their degree. Which is great for, you know, a resume, but shitty in the scheme of life.

And so I took and take classes that I found interesting, regardless of my degree path. 7 years, 5 schools, and hundreds of credits later, I'm still plugging away. Many people would question my judgment, but I remain unconcerned.

But I better jump off my soapbox before I start talking about the bigger conspiracy to keep society uneducated and indoctrinated. :)

Summary:
Learning = excellent.

* I feel like I had the opportunity to take my education into my own hands. I don't think everyone feels that empowered. I do assume that my (future) children will be in public school, so I am not writing off the entire system. I am just going to my best to make sure my children will be proactive in their educations so that they develop a passion for knowledge, in the classroom or out.